Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

My husband is not accepting a birthday gift I bought him. I had an affair but we are still friends. Why is he not accepting the gift ?

I didn’t buy him that gift to try to buy his love back. I genuinely wanted to get him a birthday gift because he deserves it. Even though he’s not wanting to be with me again I still appreciate him wanting to be my friend. He’s done so much for me I could best friend. We were best friends since I was 19. He’s the only person I can talk to about anything with no judgement. We are in our 30’s now. But I could never repay him back for all of this shopping trips he’s funded for me. He would give me hundreds of dollars every week to go shopping with. I think he’s mostly mad at the fact that I was taking money for him to go shopping while sleeping with another man. I told him I know I did a horrible thing but I’m not a monster.  The man I was having an affair with ratted me out when I stopped having sex with him. I guess he was mad I wanted to end the affair and work on my marriage. He kept black mailing me that he was going to tell my husband everything If I didn’t keep up the affair. He ended up sending my husband all the explicit texts, videos, and pictures. 

I had a pregnancy scare at first because one of the times I was having sex with that man and he purposely slipped off the condom without me even knowing. My husband would never pull that crap on me. I was so angry. I couldn’t even sleep at night thinking I was pregnant but luckily I didn’t end up pregnant. My husband said he was speechless when he first found out a month ago. 


My husband said only a horrible manipulative monster can take hundreds of dollars from their husband knowing their sleeping around. 

Update 2:

He was saying “ I can’t believe anything that comes out of your mouth anymore. I don’t even know what else you’ve been lying about. You’re not the person I thought you were.”

Update 3:

Then he said “ I felt you pulling away from me from the beginning. I had a feeling you were having an affair but tried to push it out of my head.” 

Update 4:

I’m not trying to beg for him back..he just said be wants to be my best friend but just said it’s going to be a couple months before he’s going to want to hang out..

8 Answers

  • 3 weeks ago

    He is hurting because you betrayed him in the worst possible way. What do you expect. Leave him alone and let him deal within in his own way. 

    Friend? I think not.Friends and spouses don't CHEAT on each other.

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Holy crap.  Most of this was about what a jerk your lover is. Yet in spite of him being a POS, you let him take pics and you sent racy texts?  Why?  This is a lot worse than a basic affair where 2 people think they love each other.

    If you want honesty, I seriously doubt your husband wants to be best friends.  Your betrayal wasn't just about sex with another man.  There was some incredible dishonesty and selfishness going on.  I'd guess when a couple months go by and you check to see if he wants to "hang out", he'll have an excuse not to do it.

    I have no idea what your title question has to do with anything, but if he doesn't want a gift, don't give him one.  It doesn't matter why he doesn't want the gift, either.  It's his choice to refuse it.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    If I am in your husband's position, I will never ever accept your friendship.You have cheated him for satisfaction of your  temporary pleasures. Better end the relationship and start a new life , if possible  but don't commit the mistake again.

  • J
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    You can’t push this. He may want to be friends, but the wounds are still fresh. It’s only been a month. He doesn’t want your gift. He doesn’t want anything that’s gonna remind him of you. Give him time to get over it and maybe he will wanna be friends, but you can’t rush this. He will never get over you hurting him if you don’t give him space. He may never come around. But that’s what happens when you betray his trust. Take it as a lesson learned. 

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  • 1 month ago

    Only one month and you expect your husband to be "friends" with you when you had a long affair which he only found out about when the other man "ratted" you out? No wonder he is as mad as he is. Most people would be. 

    And from the way you speak of him here it seems you think of him as more of a meal ticket than a real man with feelings of his own. Do him a favor -leave him the hell alone. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    What you did was the ultimate betrayal, how can you not see your friendship will never, ever be the same again? Leave him be, stop trying to be besties with him, he doesn't need to accept your gift. 

  • Matt
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    then you shouldn't have had the affair - he should totally ignore you 

  • lala
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    He gave you a clear message 

    He is DONE with you 

    and i cannot blame him  

    Go see other men 

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