Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 4 weeks ago

My bf of 7 1/2 years won't propose?

My boyfriend and I have been dating since we were 18. At 20 I moved in with him and his roommate. At 23 we bought a house. We are 25, over 7 years in, and I've expressed that I'm ready for marriage. For the last year I've been hearing "soon" and "I can't wait to have kids" and "when we have our wedding......." just all talk. But then when the topic is brought up seriously he freezes up. Both of our families and our friends ( and me ofc) are waiting for him to pop the question but I'm starting to think he never will. He's said before he's scared of commitment but holy cow you've been in a committed relationship for over 7 years! What the frick is the difference?? I'm watching all of my friends get engaged/married/have kids and we've dated longer than any of them, and we own a house! I'm at the point where if he doesn't propose by the end of 2020 I'm not sure if I can wait around anymore. I don't want to say this and give ultimatums but if he isn't interested in getting married I need to move on with my life. Am I in the wrong? Should I just shut up and wait? I love him, but it's just getting exhausting. 

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  • 4 weeks ago

    You're nagging him about getting married and it's very uncomfortable for a guy.  Men don't get married unless they feel EMOTIONALLY as well as financially prepared for marriage.  And the more you ride him about it, the less interest he's going to have.  

    He's probably feeling exhausted just hearing about it, too.

    Maybe let it go.  And one day you might be surprised and he will ask. 

    Meanwhile, you need to know that, just because we get married it doesn't turn our lives into fairy tales.  

  • Imp
    Lv 5
    4 weeks ago

    It's not an ultimatum it's choices. If you want marriage and he doesn't you two are incompatible. Tell him he has until a certain date to propose and if he doesn't then leave and leave while your still young because youth matters to men. 

    At the same time show him (don't tell him) with your actions that you he won't regret it. Show him you won't be a nag once you wed, show him he won't lose freedoms, show him he won't get less sex, show him you won't try to change him and show him you're not petty enough to take away his kids and half his earnings!

  • I’d consider myself to be pretty old fashioned and do expect the guy to propose over the girl, but in this case, what is stopping YOU from proposing? If you want to get married so bad, propose to HIM. For some reason he is wimping out on it. Or just doesn’t like the title of marriage for some reason. Maybe he’s afraid of all the attention that comes along with marriage and he’s more of an introvert. Whatever the reason is,  sounds like he will never propose, so YOU need to to find out if he really does love you and want to spend his whole life with you. If he rejects your proposal, you’ll know right there something is wrong and you should move on with your life. But talk it out first of course if he rejects you and see if he has any decent reasons. I dont know what excuse he’d have though. You’re right, at this point with commitment for 7 years and living together, marriage should not make any difference now. You’re just together by law. That’s it. If he doesn’t feel like he can be together with you by law, then something is screwy here.

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    You're not wrong. But you went about everything backward. Before I married, I wouldn't live with him until we got married. You have every right to leave, if he knows how important it is to you, and he's not proposing, then... what is he waiting for? Are his parents divorced? Does he have a bad experience with marriage in some form? Is he worried about the huge function? would he rather do it at a courthouse? I don't think you need to give an ultimatum, you just decide if it's enough to be with him without being married. If you desire marriage with someone and really can't handle never marrying him, tell him you are unhappy and you aren't interested in giving him an ultimatum but that this isn't working for you anymore. If he shrugs his shoulders, you can start packing your things and making arrangements.

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