Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

Is it normal for my husband to be this needy? Is this how all men are???

I'm facing a problem with my manchild of a husband. Yes I should've saw the warning signs before marriage but I was too delusional and thought he would change into the marriage. It's been 2 years and hes still the same person no matter how much I try to nag at him. He literally doesn't do anything at all and he depends on me entirely to get everything done. Even when I'm sick, he won't give me a break. He woke me up to come cook for him while I had an extreme headache and since I cooked pasta that day (he hates pasta) he made a huge deal. I cooked it because it was the most easiest thing to cook. He complained while eating it. His family is different. We are both young and he has a lot of siblings. I noticed that the women in his household do all the chores while men sit back and watch like babies. He has 2 teen sisters and a brother but I've never seen his brother do anything on his own. I've stayed at his moms house for a while and I saw how things go down over there and I'm afraid I got myself into a mess. I'm not interested in taking care of a grown baby. People say I'm making a big deal, including his friends wives. I do have a problem with it and talking won't do much. What should I do in my situation? Should I just leave and get a divorce or keep living like this? Those are the only 2 options because talking to him won't help anything. I already tried talking a billion times. Nothing.

12 Answers

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  • 4 weeks ago

    I assure you, some men are not needy. To give you advice, either confront him about this or you should cut ties with him.

  • 1 month ago

    If talking to him about it doesn't help, I'd recommend you leave him as it appears that his conduct has been bred into him since birth. You deserve better.

  • dman63
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    The short answer is yes, it’s normal FOR HIM since he doesn’t know any better, and no, not all men are like that.  For myself, I lived on my own for several years before I met my wife, so I can take care of things and I’m also a pretty good cook (ask my wife).  I would suggest talking to him (not nagging) about these problems because both of you should do your share of chores around the home.  Since you’ve already exhausted that idea then the only alternative is a divorce.  You’re still young and life’s too short to be stuck in an unhappy marriage.  Next time around marry someone who knows how to take care of himself and his home. A grown man should see their wife as a companion and partner in life...not a mommy.

  • Audrey
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    Divorce him. Your whole entire life will be hell if you stay with that big baby.

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  • 1 month ago

    Nagging hasn't helped a single couple I've ever known to grow closer and more considerate. Not a one! Do something else. When you're sick, say, "No". Say it and mean it. Partnership has zero to do with you nagging trying to "change" him, which puts you in the position of believing your superiority and authority. That's not you "partnering"! Neither of those make a couple grow closer or more considerate either. Learning to say, "No" can though! Not fighting, nagging, pleading,  demeaning... just, "No". And a chore list of agreements regarding which night is who's night to do the dishes. What nights are who's responsibility to provide food. What chores he can do that compliment the ones that you can do. Or entirely different sets of household participation activities. You are NOT his Mommy but you talk about him as if you are, well, superior to him. You are not, btw, his superior. You need to learn to be a partner as much as he does. It's been 2 years and you are still thinking that some form of "happiness" is about you CHANGING him to be what you actually wanted. Two years into a marriage is called NEWLYWEDS. Your time line is real for you but it's way too soon  for marriage to have changed him. Or you, apparently. If you want a divorce after two years, then move out and file for one. Threatening and nagging and fighting and complaining and criticizing and thinking you his superior sorta makes you the problem. Make a list of chores and the two of you divvy them up. If you are not feeling glad you married him, it's highly likely he's not feeling particularly glad that you did either. Might be better if you two grow up TOGETHER taking note that can take a long time. If you don't care deeply enough for your husband to do that, then leave. File saying that you didn't mean your wedding vows and he's not good at housekeeping. They'll grant you a divorce. Two years is a drop in the bucket in a marriage. Still newlyweds who haven't figured out how to live together yet.  But if you don't love him then getting married in the first place was an unfortunate choice.  In any marriage, the ability to feel frustrated with each other without threatening or seriously contemplating a divorce is a NECESSARY trait, maybe even a necessary learned skill. You might want to learn to apply that in your next marriage. 

  • 1 month ago

    I confess that I need my wife.  More than anything in the world.  That doesn't excuse laziness.  And it certainly doesn't excuse bad manners.  I don't know what else he does.  But you need to start by cooking WITH him.  One reason for not doing something is a lack of confidence in one's own abilities.

  • MissA
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    No and no.

    If you want to make an ultimatum saying, "You need to shape up or I'm out," now would be an appropriate time to do it.

  • 1 month ago

    listen to TJ he is a real man you should marry him instead

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    And the reason you are still married to the baby is?  Get a divorce.. When will people wake up, you can never change this type of baby.

  • 1 month ago

    You would be the only person who knows what is normal for your husband. From what you describe of his family, it does sound normal for *him*.

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