What's the point of me even existing?

I'm 31 with low self esteem. I am married but I am not really happy. My husband is a bit insensitive bossy and so blunt it's rude. I've been sick lack couple day nose chest and throat congested. He wanted me to help pill eggs even though I just want to sleep. I was having a hard time and  when I messed up he raised his voice at me told me enough and  that just because I'm sick doesn't mean I am helpless. I told him I just want to sleep. I have no energy and when I move a lot I cough to the point I gag and throw up. When we fight it hits me hard makes me feel completely at fault that I am undeserving of love or existing sometimes I feel like I'd be better off dead I'm a loser a failure 

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  • 3 weeks ago
    Favorite Answer

    My husband used to beat me. Four times to be exact. The fourth time was the last time, because I had drunk a bottle of sherry and went off my head and began to throw furniture at him. A chair hit him in the knee and he began to back away. I followed him and kicking the knee asking him how tough he was to hit a woman. He didn't say a word. The next day, his knee was so swollen he could barely walk. But, HE NEVER HIT ME AGAIN. But, the mind games continued, sending me into a deep depression. My point is, you can't win with men like that. I kept wanting to leave the ex, but always found an excuse why I couldn't, until the time came where I just bit the bullet and found myself a place for me and the kids. I couldn't find anything on the (big viewing day) Saturday and was getting anxipous - I just knew if I didn't move NOW, I never would. I rangagents on the following Monday, not expecting much, but I tried. As it turned out, the agent said he had just hung up from a guy who put in a deposit the previous Saturday for a unit - but was backing out of the deal. I jumped at the chance to have a look at it. As it turned out, the unit was PERFECT. Just 2 blocks away from the school for my youngest to walk - AND she didn't have to cross any roads to get there! HOW'S THAT?? It all just fell into place . . . Again, my point is, once you have made up your mind, you'd be surprised how easy it all is. I'm absolutely certain he plays on your insecurities - because he's having a great time treating you like his own toy to abuse. BTW - WHEN you leave - PLEASE, don't fall for his phone calls and crying - that's another trick they pull - that they NEVER mean. PLEASE learn to love yourself - don't accept ANYONE treating you like this! EVER!!

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    Sounds like someone needs to find a good psychologist, STAT. 

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Get away from your husband. He's probably feeding you antifreeze

  • 4 weeks ago

    You're neither a loser nor would you be better off dead. I do think that you need someone else to aid you while you're ill. Do you have a friend who can pick you up for a couple days over at her place? Neighbor? Relative? Or come in and care for you at your house for a couple of days? If not, Just tell your husband you are too ill to be his whipping post right now and go somewhere else. Even if it's a hotel. He's feeding you poison. That's no way to heal. Tell him that, in a couple/few days when you no longer need someone to help and care about you, that you'll return to whatever this is that the two of you have going on. But that you're too sick right now to deal with his inability to care for you. And out the door you go. 

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  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    What more will it take for you to wake up, and divorce him?

  • 4 weeks ago

    Sorry to hear that.  Why don't you secretly plan and prepare for a vacation by yourself for awhile.  Save up some money that he doesn't know about.  Go someplace nice.  Maybe visit a friend or relative you like.  Chances are, if you spend enough time there, your self-esteem and reason-for-being will start to come back.

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