Nick asked in Family & RelationshipsFriends · 4 weeks ago

My best friend is hiding being with his toxic ex from me. ?

So my best friend about a month and a half ago got out of a really toxic relationship with his girlfriend. They both brought out the worst in each other and basically a lot of things went down and they were living together and things didn’t end very mutual. He dated her for 3 years and she was very controlling, didn’t have any trust in him whatsoever, and would gas light him and put the blame on him for everything then make him feel terrible when he did nothing wrong. 

She has admitted on multiple occasions that she needs therapy but refuses to get it. She acts bipolar and is a pathological liar. I don’t necessarily think she is a bad person, she just needs help in order to learn how to be a healthy person instead of a toxic person. Anyways, fast forwarding to now, my friend is making excuses not to hang out because he’s “tired” or doesn’t want to go out, yet I know for a fact he’s been hanging out with his ex that mentally abused him. His ex even told one of my friends that they have been seeing each other. I am so frustrated because he’s done so good in finally getting the guts to get himself out of that relationship after 3 years of hell and now it seems he’s getting himself sucked back in. 

Bottom line, I know what’s going on and I don’t want to see him hurt and beaten down. He hasn’t even told me anything yet I know everything that he is hiding. I want to talk to him but I don’t want to be in the wrong or come across harsh. 

Update:

My question for y’all is should I talk to him, and if so how can I without coming across as being judgmental. I know as a best friend we should say things to our closest friends/family even when it’s not exactly what they want to hear. I want to be there for him but I’m just completely dumbfounded with this whole situation.   

4 Answers

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  • 4 weeks ago

    Basically I’m asking in simple terms, should I express my concern to him? If so how should I talk to him without coming across as judgmental. Literally everyone knows on both his side as well as her side that it’s a complete toxic relationship. I know he as to make decisions for himself but I feel like it’s part of my responsibility as his best friend to  even express the things that he may not want to hear. I normally can understand both points of view but I really just can’t understand this situation at all. 

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    You can talk to him alone, and tell him that you have been hearing that he was seeing the mental one again. Ask him why is he being so foolish, he knows what she is like what she has done to him, but yet he goes back for more, It will be a life of abuse from her. Tell him you are sorry, but you can no longer see your friend allow himself be abused. See if he can push her into getting mental help. He needs tough love, remind him of all of the abuse over the past 3 years. you may lose him as a friend, but as a friend, how can you allow him to do this to himself. Im sure its going to hurt you a great deal. Normally id tell you to mind your own business, but this is bad. Id hate to lose my best friend, but id get to the point where I love my friend enough to chance losing him. Thats caring and love. I wish I knew a better way, if I come up with something better, I will come back and edit my answer.

  • 4 weeks ago

    Hi, Nick. I'm sorry you're in this situation, and I definitely feel for you and your friend. I know that as his best friend, it must be hard for you to see him making what you see as a mistake. I'm sure you both care about each other, but you should keep in mind that there's probably a lot about the relationship that you don't know about. This might be the kind of thing that he has to figure out for himself. There's nothing wrong with showing concern for his behavior, but I think that as his best friend, it would mean a lot to him if you showed him clear support instead of judgement. I know you come from a place of love, and maybe lending an ear to him and letting him vent to you about the whole relationship could be the most beneficial thing for him.I wish you both the best of luck.

  • 4 weeks ago

    Sounds pretty bad, but what's your question? What are you asking us, exactly?

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