Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 4 weeks ago

My husband got an inappropriate gift from a friend...?

My husband received a very VERY personal and important gift from a female friend. This gift was something that meant a lot to him... he has wanted it for years but never got it... and now she got it for him. It upsets me that he even told her about it and even more, that she went out of her way (during COVID) to get it for him... I’m so upset...he keeps telling me that I am overreacting... I get that she’s his close friend (clearly I don’t like her) but I think this crosses a line... am I wrong? 

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  • Marty
    Lv 4
    4 weeks ago
    Favorite Answer

    I believe you're totally right. I know that would make my wife uncomfortable and I wouldn't have accepted the gift. It's no reason to get overly upset over though. I suggest you allow yourself to calm down a bit and do some thinking. After you think it all out, have a polite conversation and explain what you're feeling so he can understand. Believe it or not us guys don't always get it.

  • Trish
    Lv 5
    3 weeks ago

    I believe you have every right to be upset.  Have a talk about it.

  • Anonymous
    3 weeks ago

    You weren't exactly specific about the 'Gift'.

    So if she got him a Sportscar or a Rolex or something I'd say that your husbands friend is either really dumb & has more money than she sensibly knows what to do with or you may even have something to worry about.

    But something  special or personal or intimate?

    Women typically put more stock in stuff like that but sometimes a 'Gift' from a friend regardless is really just a gift & nothing else.

    So it's probably ok to look 'this' particular 'Gift-horse' in the mouth with a fair amount of skepticism & let it go at that as long as your feelings are just about the 'Gift'. 

    But if it's Jealousy that's eating at you or an actual concern that they might be something other than just friends, then that's a completely different can of worms that frankly you should think over carefully before opening because the 'Green-eyed monster' is the Devil whispering sweet nothings in your ear & loving few things more than screwing-up an otherwise perfectly good happily-ever after with ill feelings.

  • 4 weeks ago

    He's not understanding that you wanted to be the one to get it for him and the friend is playing the "i was just being nice" card. BS. She likes your husband and has ulterior motives. You're not wrong they are. He's more in the wrong than she is though because he needs to be the one to not go around telling personal things to other women and she was wrong for doing it because she knows damn well that she didn't just do that to be nice. If the shoe was on the other foot i think she would definitely feel like you feel right now. Ask your husband how he would feel if one your guy friends got you an extremely personal gift that he wanted to give you. Im sure he wouldn't like it. 

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  • 4 weeks ago

    Only in your mind, not theirs. They did nothing wrong, but you appear to be rather sensitive. Still, your feelings matter and you should calmly and without rancor explain to your husband that he felt it crossed the line and ask that he be a little more considerate. This is clearly a 'thing' for you and he needs to appreciate that. 

    I have a very close friend who is a girl and it bugs my wife so I make sure to be as transparent and up front as possible whenever we even text. 

  • 4 weeks ago

    Yes, she crossed a line. BUT--you have a choice--either make a big deal of this and keep making a big deal of it until you drive everyone nuts, or forget about it. 

    Your husband may indeed be closer to this female friend than he ought to be--and you need to focus on THAT relationship (without mentioning anything else) with your HUSBAND--not others. Sit down and have a long talk with him. You may  not like what you end up hearing, but you need to know. It sounds like he has developed at the very least an emotional attachment to this woman. If that's so, you will need counseling to resolve the problem(s). 

  • Tara
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    She crossed the line.  You didn't over react.  HE .. and .. SHE should not be that close .  She is wrong.  He should not cover for her -- but he should understand how you feel.   Don't stand for it being ok .. even to her.

  • 4 weeks ago

    "...very personal..very important...wanted it for years..." Why haven't you given it to him? Why don't you mention what it is? It sounds like there is a woman out there that wants to see your husband happy. Maybe you should start thinking about him a little more? But until you tell us what she gave him, nobody can give you a good answer.

  • 4 weeks ago

    We probably need more details? What was the gift? If it’s a sex toy then yes, you have every reason to be upset and you should talk to him about how you feel. 

    If it was jewellery then no that’s not a big deal. That’s his good friend bring a good friend. 

    Ask yourself if this would bother you if you actually liked her 

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    Without knowing what this gift was it's impossible to say. Wonder why you're being so cryptic about it. 

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