Anonymous asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 1 month ago

Unwarranted , unsolicited opinions from a person. Would you cut that person off ?

For the past several years I've dealt with someone who is always giving unwanted opinions. "Unsolicited." Meaning , never do I ask this person for their thoughts, advice, input etc .

I have continually expressed dislike over their actions. Yet they keep doing it , leading to fights each and every time.

Examples would be some of the things they say- such as:

"Your hair color is too dark . It makes you look older"

"You're overweight"

"The dress you're wearing is too busy with patterns."

"I don't want you to work at the bank. I want you to work at the grocery store instead"

" You should not Have named your baby what you did. It does not roll off the tongue easily"

Time and time again I get fed up with this person. And my response is usually

" I didn't ask you!" 

Chronic personal attacks , insults, critique and complaints about everything in general.

I'm an adult , I know where I want to go in life and what I want to do.

I don't need constant guidance , or critique like I'm a small child.

This person has been doing this to me for years.

They complain about not being invited to events and not having friends and even went as far as telling me they wished they had someone to love them. The whole idea is that no one wishes to be around this person. They usually suck the joy right out of every one they meet.

7 Answers

  • Chanel
    Lv 6
    4 weeks ago

    It sounds like she does this cos she gets a reaction out of you.

    When my boyfriend died (heart attack) a woman got on the bus and sat near to me saying I was now all alone in the world and I must be bored stiff. So what do you do all day?

    My answer was "which bus stop are you getting off?"

    I've seen her a few times since and I just say hello and walk on.

    Don't let this toxic woman upset you cos it will have more influence on your health than you realize.

    So every time you see her you could take out your mobile and pretend you are speaking or just say you are in a rush.

    Finally if you google gaslighting you will get an idea of what she is about cos not a lot of people know what gaslighting means.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I had a mother like that. When I started therapy, I stayed away. It was a means to protect myself, not out of spite or anger. I eventually felt strong enough to see her again, fully aware that when one person changes, the rest of the family has to change as well. I was no longer the punching bag. I didn't threaten, scream, or fight. I just got healthy.

    This was a parent, and I'm grateful for how I handled it, even though I was at wit's end when I went into therapy. However, if this is just someone you know, in your position, I'd walk away. Some manipulative, controlling people make a stink and manage to ruin the day for all involved. Unless this is close family, why bother to work with it? 

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    i would just try not to be around that person

  • 1 month ago

    It may be too late now, but right from the beginning you should have paid no attention. At most you should have said, "Oh do you think so? Mm, I'll keep it in mind" and moved on.

    Try it and see. When they speak, don't give them your full attention. Glance up vaguely - you're BUSY, aren't you? - and say, "Hmm, what was that? Oh? Yeah, maybe" and get right back to work.

    It takes two to have an argument. If you refuse to argue, there can't BE one.

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  • drip
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    If you have been clear and told this person, I feel very uncomfortable with you. You always have negative comments. You always have had negative criticism about what I do or say or wear. It makes it hard to relax and have a pleasant time with you.   I would appreciate it if you refine from critiquing me unless I ask for your opinion. 

    Give it a couple of weeks if they persist with their behavior, then stop being with them. 

    If you want to try to make this work, you need to say more than I didn’t ask you. 

    Perhaps comfort them. Why do you feel you need to dish out such negative comments to everyone? I will give my unsolicited advise. Please stop this bad habit of yours. It is driving people away. 

  • Jerry
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Is this a friend?

    It's hard for a difficult person to see that he's a difficult person unless it's very clearly brought to his attention. "There, you're doing it right now. You're being difficult." 

    Please don't drop this person. This person obviously needs you desperately. Instead of going on the attack with "I didn't ask you!" you can express the same thought more constructively. "What you just said: If it's not kind and it's not necessary, saying it is mean. Think before you speak." This is your opportunity to be an angel, to help him break a habit that makes him unhappy, that makes others unhappy. 

    Is this a parent, an auntie? 

    Even when you are 67 and your parents are 90 they will still see you as a tiny child in dire need of their guidance and protection. Part of growing up is that you get over feeling resentful and angry about this and respond like a mature adult, like "I know you worry about me. I love you." 

  • 1 month ago

    I would cut that person off. Before I cut that person off I would let the person know that I have made the choice to cut them out of my life because they have given unwarranted, unsolicited opinions for the past several years and I have continually expressed my dislike over their actions and they continue and cause fights.

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