Do you have to take it?  (Used stuff)?

Several months ago my 24 year old daughter surprised me with the news that she's giving my my first biological grandchild.  I come from a large family with 6 other siblings and this will be the family's first and only biological great-grandchild.  I've had full custody of my daughter since she was 2 and I have never scrimped on buying her what she wanted or needed.  As a single dad I prided myself on  giving her the best.  Now that my only daughter is pregnant my oldest sister, who claims to be my daughter's favorite aunt, keeps telling me about a co-worker or friend of hers who has a bunch of baby stuff she's no longer using and wants to give it to me.  Personally I've never been one to use used items and things but every few days or weeks my sister will call me and tell me that this girl has a used changing table she no longer uses and wants to give it to my daughter.  My wife and I have already purchased a crib, car seat, stroller and a few other things for our house so we're not hurting financially but am I obligated to take used furniture?  My sister knows how I am with my daughter and that I'll give her the would but I'm not about to have my grandchild using used furniture.  I don't know the condition of this furniture nor do I care.  Am I being bougie if I don't accept this furniture and why is my sister of the mindset that I need to keep taking what this other girl no longer wants?  Again, my 1st bio grandchild and I want the baby to have all new things.

24 Answers

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  • 4 weeks ago

    This sounds like my inlaws. They were always trying to help friends with their problems by making them other people's problems. They tried to guilt trip me for not agreeing to take a neighbor's obsolete TRS-80 computer off their hands. They expected my parents to move into their house while they went on vacation with no thought to who would be looking after my parents' house. Stand your ground:  Thanks, but no thanks. Appreciate the offer, but not needed.

  • 4 weeks ago

    Baby stuff is expensive and doesn't get used very long, especially if the original owner only had one kid. Maybe ask for pictures to see the condition it's in, and then just ask your daughter if she wants any of it !

  • 4 weeks ago

    Practice these words over and over until you can say them without hesitation:  "No thanks--we have everything we need. Have your friend donate those things to someone who really needs them. And thanks again for thinking of us."

    That's all you need to say. Why would you think you were "obligated' to do anything else?  

  • Jane
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Firstly, congratulations! You must be so excited and proud. When I was expecting my daughter, I hardly had a buy a thing as my 2 sisters already had 2 young sons each and gave me everything I needed, that they had grown out of- it wasn't that they no longer wanted it, they just didn't need it cluttering up the place. Thing is, baby stuff is barely used, babies grow out of things within months and I didn't see the point of sending it to landfill when it was exactly what I needed. I thought it would be better to spend the money on saving for her future, like education, so I opened a savings account which has served her well over the years. I found that children get more expensive as they get older! 

    A quick look online will show you that a lot of new parents use exchange websites to save money, it's very usual and not a stigma attached to it, like soiled used goods.

    Why not spend your money on special treats, wonderful celebrations and outings, saving for her future? And cut back on all the rubbish in the dump.

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  • zipper
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You should be happy for her.  Your being a bit of a jerk, are U not!

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    your over bearing way will destroy them 

    back off and stop being so controlling...

    you are not looking much like a good dad 

    if you have all this money to burn set up a trust and put money in a annuity for the daughter to have as retirement money 

    OF curse toss out anything that is trash take it be nice and say thank you

    but stop beating your chest telling the world how great you are 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    everything is used. including women.

  • 1 month ago

    I agree with Coach Simon. There is nothing wrong with used furniture as long as it fulfills safety requirements.

    You could take the old and give your daughter the new stuff you bought.

    Maybe your sister should get in touch with your daughter herself to ask if she is interested. Is it really up to you to decide for her?

  • J P
    Lv 4
    1 month ago

    Wouldn't it be fun to customize the used piece just for the baby? Some colors of paint that match the nursery, or carving (if it's sturdy), or other special touches would make it the most special item the child receives. Ask your daughter for color and design ideas, and ask your sister to come help you "refresh" the piece. Do things together as a family to set an example for the new family member. Or don't you want the baby to enjoy family? EDIT: Oh for God's sake, the number of people who think they "own" this child is so ridiculous, I feel for the poor little boy or girl.

  • 1 month ago

    Your grandchild will neither know nor care whether her furniture is new or "pre-loved!

    Why not accept the gifts kindly offered and put the money you would have spent into a trust fund for the child? Then, when the furniture is no longer needed, give it to a charity shop if in reasonable condition.

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