POLL: Does my note sound like a well written note for my book? It is for my book on a tragedy ?

11/05/03

Dear whomever this may concern,I have been dying since the summer of 1991. To wake up each day so afraid, so terrified, that I could not be that afraid while awake. It has taken it's toll. I have come to hate this life, in this system of things, I have come to have no hope. I have tried doctors, medications, specialized schools, group therapy, etc.... and none of it has worked. The abuse I suffered at the hands of my classmates is the abuse that has stayed with me and destroyed me. I was happy before 1991. 

When I left Pine Ridge Academy and entered St. Ann School my life went downhill. Then when I tried Country Day Academy I was destroyed by the bullies and never returned to normal. 

Meanwhile the divorce of my parents destroyed me. To be the only one among the cousins with divorced parents and not to be allowed to see my Dad because he drank. This defined me as a 2nd rate person. I cannot live with the terror that it might happen again and the pain of having been disloyal to my father by not seeing him after age 9. This guilt I cannot live with for I know it is not my fault yet at the same time I know it is. Now I have learned the divorce was to protect me and my siblings but that means it truly was my fault as I had feared all these years. Christmas always opens these wounds the worst. Now I am around at Thanksgiving this year and have to experience it twice, I cannot do that.Remember the real Charlie Wilson and not this lost soul who has wondered since 1991. 

Update:

The names of the schools are all fictional names. If schools exist with those names I am not referring to them. I am not suicidal but writing a book that has a suicide.

It is about a young adult with years of classic traumas in childhood that add up including peer abuse and an alcoholic father his mother restricts him from. On top of that he has anxiety disorders. I wanted to be vague on my question and leave out the word suicide so not to glamorize it to someone suicidal. 

2 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    3 weeks ago
    Favorite Answer

    Sorry but no. It's clunky in places and very repetitive. It's also longer than it needs to be. Example: " The abuse I suffered at the hands of my classmates is the abuse that has stayed with me and destroyed me."

    Should just be: " The abuse I suffered at the hands of my classmates has stayed with me."

    It's very melodramatic and self absorbed. Very informal as it's not to any specific person. Don't understand why the character would feel the need to explain anything to someone they weren't that close to. Suicide notes are usually left to relatives or friends, no "anyone it might concern".

    This should be: "To whom it may concern,(new line. indented paragraph)

      I have been dying since the summer of 1991. 

    The punctuation is not great either. This entire thing needs work. But I don't have time to go through every detail.

    EDIT: Ignore Caustic he's a low life scum of the earth and I think everyone in this section would be happy if he disappeared in a puff of smoke up his own backside. He's on here ALL the time so he clearly has nothing better to do and has no life. He tries to drag others down to the same place he is; it makes him feel better about himself. So pitiful. 

  • Cogito
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    I'm sorry, but it's very poorly written with errors in spelling, punctuation, sentence structure, etc.  It's awkward and repetitive.  I agree with the answer from 'Anonymous'.  Spend some time improving your English, reading lots of really good novels and biographies and maybe taking a Creative Writing course.

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