My husband doesn’t mind our newborn enough ?

My husband only cares for our newborn baby 3 weeks old maybe 1.5 hours a day so I can shower and brush m y teeth.  He works full time and I’m on leave for a year. I stay up all night with baby for feedings etc . She has colic and cries all day when she’s not feeding. 

Is this fair? I feel like I never get a break 

11 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    2 weeks ago

    No its not fair, you should shower faster, its your job to stay at home and take care of the baby.

  • 1 month ago

    We aren't here to be fair, i guess. And you're lucky for the 1.5 hours.  Men don't seem to be that good with newborns.  When babies get older and more alert and aware, a father tends to become more involved.  I think this is the time when the baby's intellect matches their Dad's.  Seems so.

  • 1 month ago

    It is unusual for a three week old to cry all day without there being an underlying medical problem like reflux.

    What does her doctor say?

  • 1 month ago

    Yeah, I get what you're saying, but at the risk of sounding sexist... Guys don't know what the hell they're doing when it comes to babies. Sure, there are some beta males that are comfortable tending to children, but its honestly not the norm. In a few more weeks when your child isn't "brand new" I'm sure your husband will be a little more at ease with your daughter. Now for the tough questions...Is this the first time that this subject has ever came up? You knew you were pregnant for the past nine months, right? Did the two of you ever discuss taking turns or not? If you did, and he agreed to help from the very beginning, then call him out. If you didn't talk, or this has always been his position, well...its kinda on you. Either way, it'll get easier...I know you cant imagine it right now, but enjoy this time. Kids are only little like that for a very short time, and after its gone, its gone. Good luck !

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  • 1 month ago

    Well, maybe you could go to work and he could stay home and take care of the baby

  • 1 month ago

    You should talk to him about this. Ask him to take the baby some more so you can get a break. And talk, talk, talk. Communication is key here.

  • that's your job/role, stop bitching!

  • 2 months ago

    Fair really isn't part of this. Life isn't fair. Parenthood isn't fair. Getting a colic-y baby isn't fair. Talk with your husband and work things out. 

    All new mothers feel a bit overwhelmed in the first couple of months until the baby starts to sleep through the night.  

    Your husband is working and providing you and your child with food, shelter, healthcare benefits, etc.  That's he role.  Your role is to be a stay-at-home mom of a demanding infant - which is a 24/7 job.

    Options:

    1. Ask your husband to take over more time, but then use that time effectively -- like sleeping.

    2. Ask your parents, siblings, friends to come and spell you or help you.  Having someone watch the baby while you take a nap or get your hair cut or whatever is great.  Having someone do the grocery shopping for you is great.  Figure it out and reach out for help.

    3. Talk to. your pediatrician and you ob/gyn. You may need to change your formula, or if you are breastfeeding, change your own diet.

    4. Hire someone to come in and take care of the baby and or do household chores for you.  

    https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stage...

  • 2 months ago

    Welcome to motherhood, but why did you have a child just to care for it for a year to then dump it in childcare for someone else to raise it? Sorry to be blunt but being a mum and grandma I don't think it is right to have a child then expect someone else to raise it. Good Luck

  • 2 months ago

    Unfortunately, this is a common issue with many married women and stems from pre-conceived patriarchal notions such as that women have to go on maternity leave when having a baby is a choice usually done by two people. It's definitely not fair and having a baby is hard enough. 

    Definitely have a serious discussion with your husband about it. He's your partner and as his wife, he should treat you as an equal. It's his baby too. Tell him what he can do so you can get a breather as well. 

    All the best

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