Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingParenting · 3 months ago

Is it possible I actually don't want kids? ?

Hi, I know I'm still quite young only being 19 but recently a guy I am interested in made me really think about what I want in the future, and I realized I had two conflicting plans. I've always thought at some point I would have kids in the future, yet I plan on being on a veterinarian/marine biologist type schedule, and I realized I couldn't see where kids would ever fit in. We already talked about what we want in the future and he doesn't want any children ever, honestly I never even thought that was an option I always just thought you settle down with someone, get married then have children. I love all my siblings and I have a lot, also I absolutely love children, however since I can remember I've been afraid of ever parenting the way mine did. So I'm not sure if it would be in my best interests to ever have a child of my own...I could see myself adopting a teenager in need or something like that in the future. But I guess I'm just asking what you guys think, could I just not want kids? or do you think I would regret not having any?

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  • Anonymous
    3 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    You're way premature in worrying about this. Your first focus should be on SCHOOL and on getting yourself established in a solid professional career. Once you've done that, then you can worry about whether or not you want a family. You're what, a freshman in college? You have plenty of time to decide these things. And you shouldn't let this boyfriend of yours pressure you into having or not having kids- that is YOUR decision. It's YOUR BODY and YOUR LIFE he's talking about here. If he truly cares about you and your future, he will respect your decisions about relationships and sexuality.

    As you get older and have more life experiences, your thinking on this subject will change. Part of the reason everything seems so cut and dried right now is because of your young age. People don't always get married as soon as they're out of their teens, not anymore. Many women, especially professional women, remain single for life- or if they do marry, they never have kids. I have a sibling like this. She preferred to pursue a career as a scientist over having a family, and that's just fine. Some people aren't cut out to be parents, either. The days of the stay at home mom are pretty well history by now. And the so called "American dream" no longer centers on a woman being married and having 2.5 kids, a dog, and a house in the burbs.

    Give yourself time to explore and mature emotionally, and find out who you are as a person before you think about building a family or making a long term commitment to someone. Children are forever, just like extinction. Once a child is born, there's no turning back.

  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    You have obviously thought quite deeply about your possible future life.  You might be slightly disappointed many years hence not to have the prospect of direct grandchildren, but you can always play lovely aunt for any children of your siblings or even of friends.

    But certainly for yourself - do not feel that you have to think of bringing children into the world.  Your possible choices of career are quite enough to keep you busy, and they are good for the world.

  • 3 months ago

    It's possible that you may never want children -- and that's okay. Since you come from a large family, you'll have plenty of nieces and nephews around. Go ahead with your career plans (which will keep you in grad school until your mid-to-late 20s and decide then.

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