Anonymous

I love two guys. I am not dating one of them but love him more. I am in love with him. I love the other one and I feel we might get married?

The first one might not ask me out, but I can date the second guy if I want.in the future too. But I love the first male more. What should I do? 

2 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    You need to find real love, then there wont be problems like that. I'm not sure what you're feeling but I know it isn't love.

  • 1 month ago

    I suspect that you are not yet in your mid twenties, even, and really not ready to consider marriage. People used to marry young because life expectancy was shorter than it is now, and many women died before, during and shortly after childbirth. Religious leaders had more influence, and urged people to marry young and have many children in order to increase the numbers in their particular religion or sect. (Hence bans on abortion, contraception, homosexuality, etc.). 

    We fall madly in love, don’t we, thinking (feeling rather) that it will last forever and is enough for a serious relationship. However, it’s very hard to live on an emotional high for very long. Eventually we start to come down from the ecstasy, excitement, strong passions and desires, typically after around 18 months to three years (people vary of course). If couples are friends, discuss their mutual values, shared ambitions, interests, etc., in some depth (obviously there will be some differences, which help make relationships interesting), and make plans, work on their personal development, etc., this can develop into a long and wonderful relationship. If one feels insecure or low in self respect, it can make for a difficult partnership. It's easy to behave at our best when in love, but marriage, for example, requires a lot of self discipline, sacrifice, compromise and flexibility. If a strong friendship is not in place, the relationship will probably peter out eventually - or worse. Quite often we fall in love because we are lonely and allow ourselves to be won over by anyone who takes an interest in us. Thus we give away control to somebody else if we are not careful. This is another reason for taking things very slowly, and really getting to know someone before committing ourselves or getting too emotionally or sexually involved. Sex can be emotionally bonding, which is disastrous if the other things are not there: strong friendship, similar values and standards, common interests, etc.

    Please don;t rush into a decision on this. Get to know each of them - as well as your own adult self.

    Good Luck!

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