Partner with substance issues?

I broke up with my partner of 6 months after arguments over excessive drinking and its effects (no DV). She was staying with me and I was hoping we could work it out however after another night of her throwing up and saying things to hurt my feelings, I finally had to ask her to leave (without notice).

It cost several hundred dollars to make such last minute arrangements but she refused to accept my financial assistance. I felt bad about the amount of money however it was the same amount she spent on drinking in a 5-day span that week (saw the receipts).

We were both visibly upset when she left but there was no anger or yelling or hard feelings, just sadness. Since then, I've tried to reconnect as I think it was selfish to leave a loved one who clearly is in a dark place and needs help. She doesn't have other good influences in her life and I'm worried. 

My first heartfelt message went unanswered so I finally had to ask if it was received. She confirmed she got it but needed time to think. Its been another week since then. If she wants to be done with me because she is mad about being kicked out or the amount of money or she feels I'm wrong with suggesting she has a problem, I wish she would just say that so I'm not checking my phone every 5 minutes.

What could be the hold up of simply saying "I don't want to talk to you" or am I just being impatient? I'm actually having dreams of receiving text messages in the middle of the night. 

4 Answers

  • 1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    Unfortunately alcoholics cannot really be trusted to be consistent or rational. They binge drink because of their low self esteem, etc., and are deeply unhappy.

    You might wish to contact al-anon to get some serious advice. 

  • 1 month ago

    A lot of homeless alcoholic Men no one will care about us or help us in that situation but some dude is always white knighting for the woman not so many homeless women.

  • T J
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    Time for you to stop the contact, she refuses to admit her problem, and until she does, no matter what you do, nothing is going to help her.  She is a lost cause. Forget about her. You have nothing to be guilty about. Look at what your life with her was, do you want a repeat?

  • 1 month ago

    'I need time to think' = 'hang on let me assess my options and see if anyone I know will let me move in with them, I don't wanna be homeless so I'll keep you on the backburner.' Sounds like you're getting played big time. You need to respect yourself more and understand that women do not respond to words and emotion coming from men. So although you may feel sympathy for her and express it in your long drawn out text, she would feel absolutely none for you in this same situation and would let you go without losing any sleep. That is the sad reality of how most women's minds are wired. The only thing you can do is advise her to seek help, you can even assist her in getting there, but that is all you can offer in this situation if she has a drinking problem that big.

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