Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 4 weeks ago

am i overly sensitive in my relationship?

Hi - I'm nineteen(female) and I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year now. 

He's extremely good to me and is very supportive. Any issue I bring up I know he'll do whatever he can to make me happy. Because of this, I'm worried that I might become too controlling or make him do things that are unreasonable. 

I know I'm very insecure in terms of my appearance. He's always done his best to build my confidence and help with that, but it makes me very jealous of other girls in his life. 

He told his ex Sandra that she looked "pretty" a few days after we started dating (I was there) and it hurt me because I felt insecure. I told him about it and he apologized and said he should've never said it, but I'm still hurt by it because I compare myself to her constantly now.

I also don't know what to do about his female friends who he's known for longer than me. I know he wouldn't cheat but it makes me uncomfortable when they hang out one-on-one, even if it's getting a meal or coffee. 

I don't know what I should do. Should I ask him to keep hangouts with other girls in a group setting only, or am I overreacting? I know that if I ask, he'll do it. I just don't know if it's the right thing to do. Also, any advice on how to get over the Sandra thing would be awesome. 

Thank you guys so much.

12 Answers

  • 4 weeks ago

    There’s one thing that’s more attractive than a nice body!

    One thing that makes guys stare more than a pretty face or nice clothes..

    That’s confidence :)

    Until you learn to love yourself for exactly who you are (which you should because there’s not another you) you will always have these insecurities and unhappy feelings... doubts. So don’t worry about Sandra! There’s obviously something about you that your guy loves and appreciates, so just focus on the positive.

    Now about your boyfriend..One thing you cannot do is control another person. You can try but eventually it will backfire. Just continue to respect and love your guy at the same rate that he loves and respects you.

    Communicate your feelings with him if you’d like but I would not try and change him. 

  • dumb
    Lv 6
    4 weeks ago

    There doesn't look like there is any clear advice one can give to you. If you enjoy being in his company you will either enjoy being with more each month or you will gradually dislike being with him each month. Good luck in finding your way.

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    "I'm worried that I might become too controlling or make him do things that are unreasonable." no. what you eventually are going to do is make him annoyed, push him away, and lose him because he constantly has to bring you up as he's not getting anything in return. all about you you you you you. and no care for him. 

    this relationship won't last. i'm 99.9% positive. i would say 100% positive, but don't want to upset you. 

    you do nothing with his female friends. those are his friends. you need to get over this insecurity, or you are not cut out for a relationship. 

    the fact that he hangs out with girls one on one tells me he's not that into you. my boyfriend would always always invite me places if he was going to hang out with someone else. it's just how it's supposed to be. 

  • 4 weeks ago

    I'd say that you are overly sensitive and are quite insecure about yourself. It sounds as if you've got a boyfriend who loves you and puts you above all others. You're fortunate. You need to learn to relax and be confident in yourself. 

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  • 4 weeks ago

    It's still "don't be insecure and compare yourself". Hope this helps again.

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    You need to get yourself into Therapy asap, or this dilemma is going to continue to haunt you throughout every relationship you're going to have once this one fails due to your insecurities doing a number on you over and over again!

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    You're not being unreasonable in feeling uncomfortable if your boyfriend is hanging out with other friends, of the opposite sex, one-on-one. There are plenty of others, both men and women, who would be bothered if their bf/gf were to do that. So do not think you're weird or wrong for feeling that way.

    I can tell you, that I had a woman who berate me for hanging out with other women who were just friends. Even though I swore to her there was nothing going on, and there wasn't, and more than a few times I invited her to come hang out with us to show her that.

    Yet, she also had a double-standard. She never wanted me to hang out with my female friends, which was 9/10 always in a group setting, yet she would go hang out with her guy friends, and I had apparently zero right to say anything about it.

    My point in telling you that is how that type of behavior can put a strain on a relationship. And also brings up the question: "If you do not trust someone, or they do not trust you, then why are you with them?" If there's no trust, then you're just wasting your time.

    Now from what you said, you do trust him, and feel like you can talk to him about anything that concerns you. That is wonderful, and that's how it should be. So, I'm not going to tell you whether you should or should not talk to him about hanging out with other women. That has to be your choice, and honestly whatever happens as a result, whether you choose to talk to him or not, you have to live with the consequences of whatever decision you make.

    As far as the whole "Sarah" deal... no I honestly wouldn't worry about it. So what he said she was attractive. I'm sure you have ex's who you think are still attractive, even though you would never date them again. So honestly, I would not pay it too much attention, unless it becomes perhaps a regular pattern.

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    I have a workbook for married people but the advice is just as good for those who are dating too, especially if you feel that your relationship is heading towards a marriage in the future. It is free and very good advice. I do think that the group setting with his friends is a good idea, that way it doesn't make anyone worry, if no 1 on 1 time is being spent with others.

    Sure hope you are able to put some of the advice to good use in your relationship.

    here is an article on self esteem that may help you deal with your insecure feelings

  • Matt
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    you sound psycho tbh

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    I don't think you are the first person to be experiencing these feelings, nor will you be the last. While I can understand why you may be worried, I think you need to trust your boyfriend. The reason for this that without trust there will always be friction, which will manifest itself in the form of resentment. In order to reassure yourself, take heart from the fact that your boyfriend sees something in you that he does not see in anyone else. This ultimately takes the form of the emotional connection that brought you both together initially. When you have that bond with someone, it puts you on another level to everyone else meaning that he is unlikely to be tempted. I really hope this helps :)

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