Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFriends · 2 months ago

Best friend replaced me. Advice needed ?

Over the past year my closest friend has been spending a lot of time with another friend as I have been studying. Now that we have all finished school I had expected things to go back to normal , or at least all of us to hang out. However I feel more excluded than ever, with the two of them planning stuff for not only themselves but also other friends without me!! I’m not sure how to deal with this as I do not want to make a big deal and be jealous, yet also can’t completely move on from the both of them as I am bound to still see them. 

Also as I did in a sense push them to be close together from my studying instead of hanging out with my friend, I have been trying to make more of an effort now. I’m really upset because every attempt I make for my friend and I to hang out either ends in her bringing the other girl along with us, or her making an excuse yet then Making time for the other friend 😔 

Can anyone offer advice on how to deal with this please. As no proper fight has happened I feel I can’t confront them, yet I hate keeping that I am upset or angry with them a secret. 

2 Answers

  • 2 months ago

    Dr. Stephanie had a wonderful answer. I would only add that you're probably not just angry, you're hurt. It hurts to lose someone we care about, whether it's something as serious as death or just the usual ebb and flow of friendship. Try to also maybe see it from your closest friend's perspective: She may have felt hurt, too, when she lost you - when you were studying, she was lonely and so she found someone else to ease that loneliness. As someone lonely and hurt, yourself, now too, I think you can empathize rather than be angry? 

  • 2 months ago

    You need to know and to accept that friendships come and go, people do move on. Its rare that someone keeps the same friends throughout their entire lives. In normal times, I would advise you to tell the friend you want to spend time alone with , just that, that you prefer she doesn't bring her other friend along all the time.  When SHE makes an invitation, she can then decide whom she wishes to invite.

    Most importantly, do NOT socialize in person with anyone other than your immediate family, if possible, and not even them, depending upon the situation.  You have to recognize that we are in the height of a serious pandemic and that your health , or that of your family members , could be greatly jeopardized. 

    This alone is a really important reason to restrict yourself to electronic communications, for the time being, until we can see light at the end of the Covid Pandemic tunnel. Nothing is worth losing your life over, or jeopardizing the lives of your loved ones.

    Good wishes, 

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