Did I over react to my boyfriend calling me fat?
I've always been a slim girl, but since March I've not been active as I should be or eating the healthiest of foods. I could blame lockdown, but I know it's my fault it's just usually I am working and plan my meals and haven't been doing.
I asked my boyfriend to leave the house last night, because I was offended. He stayed at his mothers house and I haven't told him to come back yet.
Basically, he said we need to talk. I said what about, he said he loves me but I have put a bit of a belly this year and he'd like to help me in getting slim if I want to. I said are you calling me fat? He said ermmm well yeah.
I told him to get lost, I think it's really disrespectful I already know. He should know I already know but he must be stupid.
But maybe I am being unfair, should I take responsibility and say sorry or was he really out of line for bringing my weight into conversation?
- 2 months ago
Do you trust him? Is he hurtful or abusive in any other respect? If you trust him, really trust him, then talk to him and explain what was wrong for you in the way he spoke. Ask him to explain his why. If it was just about looks, kick him to the curb. It could be simple stupidity- or it could be a red flag to psychological or emotional abuse.
- James W.Lv 72 months ago
It is disrespectful and mutual respect is one of the keys to any long lasting relationship - but the key question is whether or not he's a strong guy who just messed up.
May I suggest that the first question to ask yourself when considering whether or not to date someone is, “Is this person a strong person?” If they’re not, no matter how much you like them, how much they like you, or how “cute” or “hot” they are, - please don’t date them. A strong person has good character (honesty, integrity, trustworthiness), displays a positive attitude (cheerful, caring, friendly, forgiving, helpful, and respectful), fulfills their responsibilities (for handling people who are pains in a positive way, for always trying to make a good choice, for taking care of themselves, for serving others), gives their best effort, and demonstrates self-control (of their body, anger, mouth and money).
My suggestion is that you put in the effort necessary to become a strong person (if you’re not already), break up with this guy in a kind way unless he’s a strong person, and eventually look for this type of guy (otherwise you’re setting yourself up for a broken heart). Unfortunately this type of man is difficult to find – but save yourself the heartache and don’t settle for less.
(Please remember that you eventually want a 50 or 60 year marriage - not a 5 or 10 year marriage.)
Hope this helps!
PS Here are "21 tips that could help you to attract a strong person" from the book True Love Lasts:
1. Take the time and put in the effort to become a strong person yourself (this is the most important tip)
2. Put yourself in as many situations as possible that will allow you to potentially come in contact with other strong people - community service organizations, the library, high school or college clubs, the “Y” or other workout facilities, religious book studies, coffee shops, non-alcoholic parties, bookstores, concerts (wear a good pair of earplugs to protect your ears from permanent hearing loss), co-ed recreational athletic teams, community service projects, mission trips, volunteer service, etc. Try to get to know other people as much as possible without dating
3. Be cheerful, approachable, and friendly - smile regularly to put others at ease (let people see your positive attitude)
4. Take a real interest in getting to know others. Ask people an open-ended question about themselves in order to get them talking. Share things related to what’s been said as needed to keep the conversation going. Then ask them another question
5. Be polite and kind to everyone - even to people who you don’t like or enjoy being around
6. If you decide to not accept a request for a date, do it in a kind way (being rude isn’t a good choice and it doesn’t help you - word about it will get out and you’ll become less approachable)
7. Be confident about yourself - if you’re trying to become a stronger person each day, you already have a lot going for you
8. Be humble - don’t act like you’re Miss Charming or you’re Mr. Wonderful
9. Don’t be concerned about whether or not someone likes you
10. Have the attitude that if someone doesn’t like you - they don’t really know you
11. Take care of yourself by getting enough sleep (at least nine hours for teens, at least seven hours for adults according to the experts), exercising regularly (if approved by your doctor), and eating a healthy diet
12. Develop a good sense of humor - including the ability to laugh at your own mistakes
13. Be known as a hard worker
14. Dress well and dress modestly at the same time (wearing seductive clothing doesn’t attract another strong person)
15. Pay attention to your appearance, but don’t obsess over it (remember that strong people are attracted to other strong people, they’re not too concerned about looks - because they realize that looks fade with age). If you use makeup, make sure it’s not excessive. Use perfumes and colognes sparingly - if at all
16. Truly care about other people
17. Stay in close communication with real friends who can help you through the ups and downs of life and hold you accountable
18. Be patient - real friends can help you with this
19. Persevere - please remember that almost nothing worthwhile is quick and easy. Please don’t settle for dating a weak person
20. Don’t take it personally if someone doesn’t want to date you
21. Don’t act desperate for a dateSource(s): True Love Lasts - written with a character emphasis for teens through young adults, Straight Talk About Dating - written with a Christian emphasis for ages 20 and up
- Anonymous2 months ago
he didn't insult you. it sounds like he wanted to help you... you are twisting his words. stop acting like a child!
- RickLv 72 months ago
From your profile pic you look fantastic. Don't beat yourself up or blame yourself for gaining some weight during this pandemic. It's a very common thing for so many people and it's not your fault. It's what happens when we're forced to stay home during a very stressful time.
It's not disrespectful to have said what you did. Anyone would have been hurt by his unkind words and they would have done the same thing.
It would be a smart idea to tell him how he hurt you and say sorry for how you reacted. He'll see that he made a mistake and you'll be back together.
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- RajaLv 72 months ago
It is not the bf but you are stupid and swollen headed .It is with good intention that he brought to your notice that you have a bit of a belly . The way how you reacted is really unfair .You should take the responsibility and say sorry .Start dieting and do some exercises .
- FireplaceLv 62 months ago
You were not at all unfair. He was really out of line to even think that your body size and shape is in any way his dominion to alter or even think about altering. And "WE need to talk" ??? YOU did not need to talk about it, as you said you already knew you'd gained a few pounds. HE needed to talk about it because it was bothering HIM. But that is HIS problem, not yours.
- 2 months ago
I mean, he was just trying to help. Coming from a guys standpoint, he just wants what's best for you and wants to watch you do well in life
- Anonymous2 months ago
He was being honest - had you asked him "Do you think I am getting fat?" and he responded "No" what would you have thought - Liar? If he said Yes would it have been the same emotional response as the scenario above? At least he came forward and offered to work with you (meaning exercise and diet I suspect) to help and didn't just make oinking noises when you were face down in a pie......in other words could have been a lot worse.
You can chose to apologize or not but he wasn't being mean, just concerned.
- StrandLv 72 months ago
The only person qualified to comment on your weight is your doctor or your trainer. Giving unsolicited critique of someone's appearance is always rude and it is absolutely not his place to tell you how you should lose weight. Bodies change, it's unavoidable. His will too. If you are with someone on the assumption that they will always look the same, you aren't really committed to them. You should break up with him if he isn't willing to acknowledge what he did wrong and apologize.
- Anonymous2 months ago
If that’s truly how he feels about you. It’s an extremely hard conversation to bring up or handle because how do you not offend someone with that information. But I will say this, nobody likes being called fat