Disagreement between parents: Renovating?


So I live with two parents with very different views. My mother loves renovations and likes to make changes to our house. To have these renovations, my grandfather, who is incredibly skilled in many aspects, has made them all possible. As a result, a lot of people have complemented our home and I personally like everything we made a lot. 

However, my father likes the way it already is because he believes it is a waste of money. He doesn’t really mind what his surroundings look like, so he prefers keeping blank walls, stairs and floors with the carpet still there since the house was built instead of changing to linoleum, and making no changes to the bathrooms. 

Because of this, when my grandfather, who is in his 70s, is trying hard when doing the renovations even though he is not in his best state, my father has refused to compliment his work or offer to help. His argument is that “if someone painted your car pink, you wouldn’t like it, right? Why would I thank them or compliment them for their work?” Now, he refuses to agree on renovating my parents’ bathroom even though my mother really wants to.

I do think that when we renovate, we should all mutually agree on how to go about doing so, but I wouldn’t want to keep things the way they are when it could look a lot nicer. My mother also gets really frustrated from his attitude. What should we do?

I know this was really long, so thank you for reading through it!


My grandfather loves what he does, and we help him when we can. He even refuses our help sometimes when he feels like we could mess up. 

4 Answers

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Unless your name is on the deed to this house your parents don't really have to ask your permission to renovate it. But in general terms for a typical home built post about 1980 any update adds property value and that's something to consider. By the same token if you've got an historic property there's definitely a cachet market for houses that still have their authentic architectural details. So homeowners always have to split the difference between making the place livable and honoring its original features. 

  • T J
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    Who owns the house? If your father and mother does, they both have to agree on anything that is done. You, stay out of it. You move out and make all the changes you want to YOUR home. MYOB.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    How does "we" and "I" figure into this?  You are a part-owner of the house?

    Why would "we" all mutually agree on anything?  It is VERY unusual for 2 parents and their child to own property jointly.

    I think your parents have a troubled marriage.  If I were YOU I'd get MY name off the Deed and let my parents work this out.

    Of course, if you are NOT a part owner there is no "we" and no "I" in this.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    I think your father is being incredibly rude. Whether he wants the changes or doesn't, his wife does, and her father is doing the work not only to make his daughter happy but to maintain or increase the value of the home.

    We recently sold a house that had not been updated, only maintained. We shopped the area for similar homes and were shocked to see nearly all the competition had updated and upgraded, with modern baths, better kitchens, design aspects made current, hardscape outdoors, hardwood floors added or refinished, all kinds of visible changes that made them seem modern and highly desirable.

    We did not have the time to do much beyond a thorough cleaning and fresh paint before we needed to be here--and our house sold far slower than the competition, for a great deal less money. We wished aloud we'd made gradual changes to keep it as nice as it could be instead of nice enough for two busy people. It cost us a minimum of $80,000 that we didn't.

    If your father can't appreciate the niceness of the house when it's renovated little by little, I hope he can appreciate money. If he can't say something nice, he should say nothing about the renovations that will one day line his pockets.

    If the struggle to do the work is getting to be too much for your grandfather, he cannot reasonably expect your father to help. Your mom and her dad need to either hire a helper as needed or scale back the scope of the work.

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