Anonymous asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 2 months ago

How do you deal with a mother in law?

She LOVES to gossip to me about everyone and somehow everyone knows about me.. more than what I know about myself.  Nothing good comes out of her mouth.  She even talks about her own husband.  All her kids do the same thing.. they have diarrhea of the mouth.  They can't breathe without talking about someone.  Somehow she found out about me wearing a partial and said it so loud outside.  Then she started mentioning if I wear polydent for false teeth.  I told her I only wear a partial.  Her eyes were glowing from happiness when she saw how embarrassed I was.  I know everyone outside heard her and I live in a small town. She is one of those people who has done a lot of bad things in her life (including her kids) but makes it seem like she is perfect.  I don't do anything but take care of my kids... 24/7.  No babysitters... no bars.. no clubs... no hanging out.  The family doesn't even volunteer to take the kids for an outing. Moving isn't an option.  She lives a minute away too.  Should I give her a taste of her own medicine? I mean, I could be brutal if I wanted to, but I have respect.  I can't go through this any longer.  Thirteen years of this crap.  I'm sick of all of them.  

Anyone have family in laws you just wanted to flush down the toilet and be done with it?  How do you deal with crazy people?  These people live, eat, and breathe on misery.  It's starting to eat at my soul.  Because of them, I'm not the same happy person anymore.        


Cher, the sad days I've been having, I needed that laugh... LOL!  Thank you.  

Update 2:

Anonymous Lv 4, I am so sorry you had to go through that.  I bet you feel so much better knowing you don't have to deal with them anymore.  That last sentence you typed is SPOT ON!

Update 3:

Barry, if I'm the only one home, she will bang on the door until I let her in.  I wish I could avoid her.  I would do ANYTHING to avoid her black shadow.  

Update 4:

Anonymous, I love that Eleanor Roosevelt quote.  I should make a Christmas card for her with those exact words.  She's never liked me from the start.  She's a very jealous woman.  Her ex wasn't loyal and she feels like all women are a threat.  It sucks because I am the most nicest and respectful person anyone can ever meet. Her loss.  I will take your advice though and see where it goes.         

34 Answers

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    At some point you have to decide what is more important; your marriage, your in-laws, or your psychological well being! It seems as though your life revolves around your in-laws and it shouldn't be that way! DO you see her often and if you do, why? I take it that you are a female? What does your spouse do to thwart their mother? Do they say anything at all in your defense? Does your spouse defend you, or look the other way when you complain about her? I'm not sure how old you are, but I take it that you are younger?! Perhaps between 20-30? Listen as long as you remain with your spouse you are going to have in laws and interference! The problems are often times intertwined between the parents and the child! Neither are letting go of them strings! This is where it gets messy because you either have to put your foot down and put an end to the interference or you learn how to live and exist with it! It's your choice totally! But if your spouse is neither listening to you, or defending you perhaps you need to take a better look at your marriage and where it's headed! Being married for almost 32 years now, and being in a similar situation where my in laws were anything but accommodating! We argued a lot in the early days and the interference was unbearable! My wife did defend me at times so I cant say she didn't try, but I had to learn how to exist with it because I thought the marriage was worth it! I can say that you are fighting a lost battle if your spouse doesn't defend you and take your side! If things are allowed to go unchanged and progress, something is going to give! And that's not a matter of if, but when! And when it does give you will either get caught underneath it or run for your life! Either way your marriage may end with it!

  • 2 months ago

    File a harassment lawsuit against her and get a restraining order

  • ?
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    easy - don't get married.  lol

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    People in my small town are like that. They gather and sit around gas station gossiping and staring. They are so starved and nosy they will even drive slowly by your house, staring your place down for any sign of something they can talk about and heaven forbid they see you in the yard so they can talk about how you look. Its sad they have no life. I guess it would be even worse if its family. I feel like the whole town is talking about me and don't even know me. The papparazzi I now understand. I'm like dang you'd think we're royal with all the attention we get and we don't care about them. I just ignore it. What else can I do? 

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  • 2 months ago

    The Truth is painful. First of all you mention that her kids are just like her, yet you don't say anything about your husband? Where is he? How does he treat you? She is a narcissistic SOCIOPATH and she will never change. Your only option to not die from a heart attack or stroke is to get far AWAY from all of them. Make a plan. Cut all ties, chage all phone numbers and TELL NO ONE where you're going. You will ALWAYS be their TARGET and no matter what, everything is ALWAYS going to be your fault.

    So called "women" like her are the reason many men are misogynists.

  • 2 months ago

    First don’t let her know anything about you and she won’t have anything to tell

  • I don't have a mother-in-law but while dealing with bullies the general advice is "Be calm and consistent".If you've closed the door on her,keep it closed,no matter how long she bangs on it.Start avoiding her.It'll be tough at first but she should eventually realize she won't get her way with you.From my own experience, don't react much.Since that's what drives her,just make non-commital responses to her personal attacks.I know it's much easier said than done but the only way I've been able to deal with hateful drama queens is with neutrality.Cut her out of your activities as far as possible.You don't have to be nice to someone who is hateful towards you.

    Good luck and courage! :)

  • 2 months ago

    I had the Mother-in-law from hell. A year or so after my marriage, we were living 1500 miles away and she called my wife and told her her grandfather was dying. I immediately took time off work and drove my wife out there only to find out she had lied and just wanted to see her baby girl. I immediately said to my wife, "let's go, she lied", and walked to the car to drive home. I hollered again, "I hope you're coming,'' as she followed me into the car and we drove home. That cured any future problems with her as she knew I was serious.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    After years of her nonsense, I told my husband i was done with that. I see her at the store and say Hi from a distance and that's it. My husband thankfully saw her trying to control and manage his thinking of me. They have a relationship yet he keeps her at arms length. I haven't had a relationship with her since 2011 and its been the best thing i ever did. Just FYI I did go through a period of grief when i severed the relationship. Expect this if your finding a way out.

  • 2 months ago

    Oh God yes!! My (ex!!) was from a very large family. At first I had my 'favourites', but as time went on, I realised they were all the same! Lying backstabbers who didn't hesitate to use the person they had just vilified! All I can say is never lose your dignity and check your responses to maintain this dignity (this is what keeps you above people like this) . NEVER agree with anything nasty - no matter how much you agree with it. Many times they set you up by saying things, so they can repeat YOUR reply, implying it was YOUR comment - never acknowledging their input! If you are told about someone bagging you, I found the best (ONLY) response is to ask them what they said to defend you when this person said whatever about you. They always shut it after that. You make no mention about your husband and what he's doing to defend you. My ex's family tried to set me up with my (ex) that always backfired. We used to stay with MIL, who would (behind my back) speak to hubby about something I did 'wrong', where hubby would take me aside and 'speak' to me. Each time I went off my head pointing out how ignorant SHE was. Damned if she'd coming running out when we came back, where my husband 'signaled' her to have her say nothing. That's another thing - no matter how nasty they are - they seem to have a 'language' amongst themselves. They fight amongst each other, yet unite against anyone they/one of them have set their sight on! The bottom line is that, apart from maintaining your dignity, there is nothing you can do to 'beat' them. These are bit*hes who have been behaving like this for a lifetime, so have become very good at it. THANK YOU Anon. But I was 'lucky' for the first ten years. I was so naive, I didn't pick up on it, so they became more open in their attack. And this is where I won. Once they were out in the 'open', I had something to 'sink my teeth into' where they couldn't deny anything (another of their 'tricks'!) All the best to you my dear. I'm in my 60's now and regard the whole episode as a 'learning curve'. Don't let them make you bitter - stay just the way you are!!

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