Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 2 months ago

Is likely my mom is faking it again right?

She ruined my relationship (she's used to cause drama with other people too) in the past and made a total mess out of it. She openly expressed to me her hatred towards him in Feb 2019 and then referred him to as an idiot in May 2020.

It was partially my fault for not telling her the good traits such as teaching me how to cook, making me a stronger person with confidence and that he paid for my very first cell phone. After years later of telling her that, suddenly she soften her stance and keeps saying that if she sees I'm happy, he loves me and buys me things, then she'll love him as a son.

BS. She hated him for years, used to gossip 24/7 about him to her best friend, family members and others, told him that I'll find a much better man in his face, mocked him for crying when she hurt his feelings, etc. 

She's faking it again and will be a hypocrite in my wedding right? No one makes a sudden 180 change sincerely from the heart. I just hate being lied to and BSed.

Update:

If she just said that she'll be cordial even though it's not what she would've liked for me that would be better than that BS speech. By late 2018, she said it that he never won her own. He never will be good enough for her. I can deal with that. I can't deal with being lied to. 

Update 2:

We're much older now. I'm 33 years old.

Update 3:

Foofa it's not that I want war. I just think she's up to something and wants something in return. That sudden change isn't believable. I don't believe a single word basically. When you go from very antagonistic to sweet, it's fishy.

4 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    I wish you had given your age.  We don't know if you're 20 or 30 and this stuff always matters.  I do know one thing, though!

    Be VERY leery of any major changes in behavior when a wedding is on the horizon.  Your mom sounds exactly like the type of person who wants to cement her "important" role as mother of the bride.  Your instincts about her are spot on, but this means you need to nip it in the bud.  Now that you're engaged, you need to start turning your 1st loyalty to your new little family (fiance) rather than mom.  

    Most important, do not accept any money from her, even if it's an offer to pay for something specific, like cake or dress.  Remember, if you give her an inch, she will take a mile.  Then she ends up having the wedding of HER dreams!  I've seen this many times, including several in real life.  

    It won't be easy, but be firm.  The other important thing is limit what you tell her about the wedding.  If she comments negatively on something she learns, tell her this stops now or you'll have no contact with her unless it's totally necessary.   Sure, she's your mom and you love her, but this is YOUR big day.  Keep reminding yourself of this.  Set boundaries on what you'll allow her to say about your guy, etc.  I actually was in a wedding once that ended up getting cancelled.  I was a close friend of the groom and the bride needed a bridesmaid.  The groom was so upset with her for letting mom trash him and overrule what they had decided about plans.  I tried defending her and then one day just gave up and told him he was nuts to marry her.  She was way too close to her mom, and her mom was probably a lot worse than yours.  She was also only 21. 

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Whether your mother is crazy or you just have incredibly bad taste in partners, she's apparently seeing that it's better to go along to get along than to fight you as you enter this possibly great or possibly disastrous marriage. There comes a point when a parent just has to stand back and let their kids make their own mistakes. But what you're saying makes no sense either. Sounds like you want to continue this war instead of accepting her (perhaps false) overture. Hopefully someday your priorities will shift to where you'd rather have peace. 

  • 2 months ago

    So mother has ruined your relationship?  Doesn't sound like it if you are still marrying him and he cares enough about you to put up with this hateful mother in law.  You tell your mother to mind her own business.  You don't point out all the good things about him.  You just say 'I love him.  He makes me very happy.  The only person who doesn't make me feel comfortable is you mother.  I don't want to hear you running him down to all and sundry from now on.'  I hope you aren't planning to live in the same house with mother when you are married.  Get yourselves a separate home and just have her for visits and you can both visit her.  She may well calm down and mind her Ps and Qs once you've left her home.  She is entitled to her own opinion of anyone at all - including her future son in law - BUT she shouldn't publicly ridicule him.....and therefore insult your choice of partner.  Tell her to keep her lip buttoned in future.  If she wants to be hypocritical and pretend.....so what?  You'll have a quieter life than the one you've got with her at the moment.  This woman needs to be told!!

  • T J
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    Go to town hall, get married, without her. And stay away from this toxic witch.

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