Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 2 months ago

How do I deal with judgmental relatives ?

These people whom I see at every family gathering, who have never been there for me growing up, Want to treat me like a screw up, for being 30 & a bartender & for being the child of a alcoholic parent at every family gathering. They say things like “when are you going to get a real job” “will you ever go to college” “that’s all you do is bartend” my aunt in law blames me for my mom’s drinking right in front of everyone by saying she drinks because I don’t tell her I love her enough, is she right about this ?? How do I deal with these relatives ? 

4 Answers

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    These relatives are worse than judgmental.  They are cruel and verbally abusive.  The verbal abuse is blaming you for your mom's alcoholism, which is ludicrous.  

    With that said, you sound sort of immature for a 30 year old, but this may not be your fault.  You did leave off a huge detail, though.  Do you still live with parents?  If so, this is what needs fixing more than anything.  There's nothing wrong with bartending if it pays the bills, but if not, you may need to get a part time job.  Look at rooms in group houses.  This matters a lot, because even at age 30, if you rely on your parents for a roof over your head, and they say attend these events, you're stuck.  In the answers, people are telling you you can do what you want, but that's flat out wrong if you're financially dependent on them.

    If you're on your own and independent, why do you attend these gatherings?  I wouldn't go anywhere near them.  Start a new Thanksgiving tradition, where you invite friends and just eat, watch football and/or play games.  I did this through most of my 20s.  

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    If you're really 30 maybe you could consider taking a pass on family gatherings for a while. They're not wrong that at some point you're probably going to need to get a better job. But the rest of what they're saying is just bizarre so I wouldn't play their game. 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    You need to stand up to these cowards! They target you because there is obviously PLENTY wrong in their own lives.

    The short answer to them is "I'm not at all judgemental towards you even though I may see plenty wrong in your own life therefore clean up your own back yard before making remarks about my life." Believe me, it's a great way to get them to "pull their horns in."

    In any event, you are under no obligation to even be present with them at a family gathering. You are 30 years old and  can pick and chose whom you socialize with.

    If you do attend any more of these family gatherings and a derogatory remark is made, You need to shock them by voicing out aloud for all to hear, "You have lots of derogatory remarks to make about myself, I could be worse, I could be like you" this then sends a message to all present to not take liberties with your dignity.

    Do this and it will level the score for all time as they need to be shown up for what and who they are.

    good Luck. 

    Source(s): Experience
  • 2 months ago

    So you only see them at family gatherings?  Why should they be there for you when growing up?  They are only relatives, not immediate family.  If you are feeling particularly annoyed by them you could be as rude back to them as they are to you.  'When are you going to get a real job?'  'I've got a real job thank you'.  'Will you ever go to college?'  'Why do you want to know that?'  or 'Is that any of your business?'.  The blaming aunt?  When she says it's your fault your mother drinks you could reply that perhaps if she'd been a better sister to your mum she might not be an alcoholic.  She obviously hasn't shown your mother much love in the past if she's only around at family gatherings and then spends the time carping about your job and your mother's drink problem.  

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