Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

People say that opposites attract but me and my husband are constantly at each other's throats because we are so different.?

I'm confused do opposites attract or repel? If you are married and have the same kind of personality as me what kind of husband are you married. cause i don't know if im supposed to be with someone similar or different. I'm a free spirited person, I love to travel, I love experiencing new foods new places. I don't like routine. I'm a spontaneous person. I have a good sense of humor and I'm always making people laugh ( I don't make my husband laugh much though, he finds me childish and I think he's too serious and stern. He looks at life as though it's always meant to be serious. I look at life as like it's short and we should soak up every moment and laughing a lot and being goofy helps me with the stresses of everyday life. My husband is okay with eating the same dish everyday, I crave change. I admire that fact that he is loyal, hardworking, and  that i don't have to worry about him flirting with lots of women. I admire the fact that he comes on time and isn't out until 3 am. The ONLY thing is that he easily irritable and it drags me down because i'm a naturally caerfree and happy and outgoing person.  he says " I love you with all my heart but we don't have common ground. How can we make this work honestly." We dated for 4 years and then married 5 years ago because we were best friends and we figured since we were best friends the next stop would have been obvious. everyone always say marry your best friend. We share the same interests in books and movies and tv shows but 

Update:

He loves to save i'm a big spender because i love to enjoy life and spend lots of money on travel food and i love fashion so i spend lot of money on clothes

Update 2:

We are sexually compatible and both share the same mindset on not wanting to have kids, also share the same religious values but he says we dont have common ground. 

5 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    Books/movies/TV shows are more of a common ground for you. For him, common ground is work.

    If he doesn't speak about his work, if you don't know what he is doing, what's going on, if he doesn't ask your advice or maybe just brainstorms something together, then yes, it would feel like you have no common ground. It would feel like you have no interest in his life.

    Magic is in the ability to manipulate forces of nature. Wives who support what their husbands do for a living, have the ability/power/magic to manage nature of their men.

    Back in the days, these women were called witches. A witch can draw in a harvest. But when she is angry, she can also accidentally burn a whole village.

  • 1 month ago

    If you are both the same you have the same weaknesses and can compete with each other.  If you are both opposite you can have conflict. Ideally you want to have a mixture so that your strengths can support your partner's weaknesses and your differences create interest.

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Opposites only attract when each of them kind of wants more of what their opposite brings to the table. Presumably he liked you because you gave him license to cut loose once in a while. Presumably you liked him because you wanted a greater sense of stability. Nothing in what you've said sounds irreparable and I'll humbly suggest that much of it is the result of the stressful conditions under which we all find ourselves. Your love of travel isn't being stymied by him so much as by pandemic travel restrictions. His willingness to eat the same food every day probably didn't bother you so much when you both had busy lives outside of the home. Try not to make permanent decisions based on the stresses of (what we hope is) a temporary situation.

  • 1 month ago

    Your couple seems best combination as both of your characters help or keep marriage in safe as follows.

    1. Your style is very good for relaxing and happy life. But, your loose management in money or job will bring your marriage in danger of financial,  etc. Your husband's strict attitude is much help in safe.

    2. In reverse,  your husband's strict attitude also has difficult point, like as such attitude will bring life to too much stress so that make marriage sick.

    Your chsractor of happy and loose mind helps  your husband and marriage.

    3. Therefore,  boths of you try to find good balance points and care each other.

    Then the marriage will be happy and safe.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    When people say opposites attract, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you will have a happy marriage. It’s one thing to have different personalities and come from different backgrounds, but you have to be able to agree on what type of lifestyle you want to live. 

    People always wondered how I ended up with my last bf. We had completely different childhood experiences, different personalities, different races, different interests, and we were just different in every way. Unfortunately, we had different expectations of how to conduct a relationship. I’m a lot more laid back and reasonable, but I’m also very independent and opinionated. He was more emotional, and was too insecure and controlling. We were long distance for a while, but once he came back, I got sick of it very quickly. We still love each other, but we get along much better as friends. He confides in me and he comes to me with things he can’t trust anyone else for. I was there for him when his new gf betrayed him in a major way. My point is that just because you love someone and have a great friendship doesn’t mean you will be able to make a marriage work. 

    It’s ok to have different interests, backgrounds, personalities, ideas, etc., but in order to make a marriage work you have to have to have certain things in common. If you always wanna be adventurous and he wants to watch tv, you’re gonna have problems. I suggest you let him handle the finances since he’s more responsible with money. You married Mr. Dependable but now you’re bored because of it. If you really wanted adventure and spontaneity, you shouldn’t have chosen someone who always comes home on time and wants the same dinner every day. If you want to make your marriage work, you need to make some serious compromises. You’ll both have to agree to do things that are out of your comfort zone. See a marriage counselor if you need to. Opposites attract when their qualities compliment each other, and your strengths step in where the other person is lacking. But when you have opposite preferences on how to live life, it’s not going to be an easy relationship to maintain. 

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