My parents keep getting involved in my relationship and its making my husband mad?
I'm 25 and I recently got married. My parents encouraged the marriage and they were so happy. But I feel like all they cared about was me finally getting out of their house. I lived with them but I did work and help with payments. Anyway, I'm happy that I got out of their place because thats what they really wanted. I'm enjoying my life with my husband and hes a very nice man. My parents keep calling me to check up on me which isn't a big deal but they keep talking about my husband. He lost his job so my dad is over here texting and calling him. He cussed at him out of anger and my husband was very annoyed. He ended up blocking both my parents and yes, he is working now after finding a new job. My parents are so furious to the point where I stopped answering them. They want to control my relationship. They already controlled me my entire life, I don't understand why they can't let go and let me live. I tried talking to my mom about it and she went on saying that she's the one that raised me and did everything for me and its not fair that I treat her this way. Shes the one that decided to have me, so I don't understand why she keeps telling me that. My husband is now frustrated and I feel bad for thinking about blocking my parents. My husband says that I either choose him or go back to my parents. I've never even listened to my parents when they talked bad about my husband. I'm torn and I don't know what to do.
They're also getting involved in my sex life. My mom wants me to have a baby and they keep blaming him for not getting me pregnant yet. He doesn't want kids right now and I respect the decision but if I tell my parents, they would literally hop in their car and come to my house. They live only an hour away. I don't know how too escape them because they're close
- Anonymous1 month ago
OMG. Your update is the worst part of this. But here's what you aren't seeing. Every bit of this is on YOU! That's actually good news, because it means you have the power to fix it.
You are a grown woman with a husband who sounds like a saint. Of course he's getting mad. Try to picture how you'd feel if his parents were telling you it's time to get pregnant, or you don't keep your home the way you should. See what I'm saying? Now that you have your own little family, this should always be #1, meaning your priorities shift. But you haven't done this. Every time they interfere or insult him, you aren't doing your job to protect him from YOUR family.
This is easier for some than others, but it's about setting adult/adult boundaries with them. Sadly, words are never enough for this. It's about actions. I suggest you have a chat with them about all of this. Start by telling them you love them blah blah, but these meddling comments must stop immediately. You and your husband will decide when it's time for kids and it's nobody else's business. You will no longer tolerate any negative comments about him. Now comes the hard part. You "prove" you mean your words by taking action. IF you're at their home and someone insults, you pack up and leave. If it happens at your home, tell them to leave and ignore anything they say.
Your husband really needs to see this from you.
Maybe you ought to talk with a therapist about your narcissistic mother.... because she sure has many of the traits.
And dont' TRY to tell your mom anything, just do it. Tell her to mind her own business and don't engage in conversations about your marriage with her. If she tries to, then excuse yourself and leave immediately. If you're on the phone and she tries telling you how to live your life, tell her you have to go and hang up.
A very helpful alternative would be to move further away,very far away from your parents. Keep in mind that they will have nothing to criticise or attempt to control if you don't supply them with information. You and your husband are a unit and you owe him your support before your loyalty to your parents. When either parent starts in with something you don't wish to share, or deal with, you say: "I am not willing to discuss this any further with you. " and change the subject. Or, if you have to , hang up or walk away. You'll likely get self righteous protests, but ignore them. Stick to your guns, and repeat if needed, but don't ever give in! You were used to them controlling you, so now, its time for you to become used to greater independence and autonomy as a married adult woman. Good luck, good wishes,
- i + iLv 71 month ago
We had to essentially "divorce" our parents in
order to have a happy life together...well, for
me it really started before even meeting the
person who I eventually married, but I had to
reinforce and reaffirm to them that they weren't
going to dictate how we lived our lives. My mom
actually moved to our city just so she "could be
there to babysit her grand child(ren)", regardless
of the fact that we had decided (and made it very
very clear) that we were not going to make babies.
Ever. It was almost five years before it finally sank
in that she would never be a grandmother through
us, so she then packed up and moved across the
country so she could psychologically torture my
sister who had just recently also gotten married.
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- T JLv 71 month ago
Cut them 100% out of your life, or you will loose your husband.
- Anonymous1 month ago
You must block them for a year and a day, or they will destroy your happiness and your husband's. You made a vow to your husband, not them. They are way out of line.
Write them a polite but firm letter or card - no e-communication. Tell them that you are an adult now, they have no right to control your life, destroy your marriage or disrespect your husband, and you will ask their forginevess when the time is right.
Then block all communications for a year. They must learn.Then approach them with all kindness and humility like a good daughter should.