Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

Abortion is the right choice but...?

I recently found out that I’m pregnant with my third child. My partner and I have been together for several years. We have two little ones, ages 3 and 1. We’ve always talked about having a large family,however, we recently went through a break up and decided that we maintain a good relationship for our kids.When I found out I was pregnant I was devastated. I tried to be positive but the more I thought about it, I knew that a third child wasn’t the best thing right now. I have so many personal and career goals I would like to accomplish within the next couple years and I want to be the best mother I can be to my boys. I’ve always been pro choice but I never thought that I’d actually have to make such a hard decision. My spouse is pro life. I was contemplating whether I should tell him about my plan for abortion or hide it from him altogether. As much as I wanted to hide it and do it behind his back, the guilt took over so I decided to tell him my plans, he was devastated. He told me I could do whatever I want and that I had to do what’s best for me but I could tell by his expression that he was hurting. I was trying to avoid him this pain all along. I know this is the right choice for me but I can’t help but feel sadness and guilt for wanting to take this route. The little hope we had of reconciling was completely gone after our short conversation (he didn’t want to discuss it and decided I make the decision alone). I am so lost and confused. Is this the right choice? Advice?

11 Answers

  • 1 month ago

    Abortion is never the right choice.  You and your partner have bigger problems and you need to resolve them and get back together for the good of your children and your unborn child.

  • 1 month ago

    You've considered this, taking into account your existing children, your relationship etc. With these things in mind, you've decided abortion is the best option for you and your family at this time.

    So yes - it's the right choice for you. (You can also change your mind; and it'll still be the right choice for you)

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I'm sorry your going through what your going through. I know that relationships can be difficult and hurtful when things don't work out, regardless of that, you have been bless with ability to bring forth life. Even if you feel that the child is not fully developed as of yet, a life is a life despite your circumstances. Exodus 21:22-If men should struggle with each other and they  hurt a pregnant women and she gives birth prematurely but no fatality results, the offender must pay the damages imposed on him by the husband of the women; and he must pay it through the judges. 23 But if a fatality does occur, then you must give life for life. I  hope that this information helps guide you into making the right decision.

  • Teenie
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You really shouldn't have told your husband,I know you were hoping he'd be on your side and think the whole thing out, be  level headed. All pro lifers are against ab ortions regardless of any situation. My motto has always been, WHAT HE DOESN'T KNOW CAN'T HURT HIM. Sometimes it doesn't pay to be honest. If you want your marriage to work out you really have no choice but to have the baby sense you told him. Husbands expect to hear noting but the truth always and never keep secrets from him, you turn yourself over to him and lose yourself in the process.  But now ask a husband to tell the truth, its in a mans DNA to lie, the golden rule is to never tell the truth no matter what.

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  • 1 month ago

    A big part of your choice is the "what if".  Could you bring up the child on your own?  Would it impact negatively on its siblings? Would your ex be able or willing to make the big increases in costs that a child would cause? There are at least five people affected by the choice.

  • n2mama
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Nobody on here can tell you if your decision is right or wrong, because none of us live your life. And certainly the opinions of random internet strangers shouldn’t be considered more than your own or that of your ex-partner. I will say I think you made the right decision in telling him about your pregnancy, even if he doesn’t agree with your ultimate decision. You may never reconcile, but that may have been the outcome anyway. At this point you need to focus on what is best for you and your two children and how you can best care for them.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Nobody can answer this but you.  You do need to figure out why you felt guilty, because based on your own words, it wasn't the abortion.  It was keeping such a big secret from him.  So it's one of those things where you told him so YOU would feel better, but it made him feel worse.  

    When you mention reconciling, are you saying the 2 of you will break up if you have the abortion?  If so, this is just my opinion, but it adds another dimension to your decision.  Breaking up a family is devastating to kids.

    I have to mention this, too.  Ladies, stop having babies with boyfriends.  When "mom and dad" have made the biggest life commitment of all through marriage, this changes everything.  Without this commitment, people are less likely to do something for their partner, keep the family together or work towards compromise.

  • T J
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Yes, get the abortion.

  • Kerri
    Lv 4
    1 month ago

    It’s completely normal to feel sadness and guilt and pain when you know that this decision will cause pain to your ex partner, a person you love and care for deeply, and you wish you could protect him from feeling pain any pain. That doesn’t mean that you are making the wrong choice by choosing to not continue the pregnancy. We all want to do all we can to protect the ones we love from pain but we have to do what’s best for us individually and protect ourselves from pain in our own lives firstly. It’s wonderful to be empathetic and to care deeply about those we love but we can’t take all the pain upon ourselves to protect them if we let ourselves be destroyed in the process. We  must do what’s best for ourselves because in the end we have to ensure we make choices that will help us have lives we can look back on with peace and joy and not regret. Yes our choices hurt others sometimes but but the pain we cause for others who touch our lives but if done without evil or malice, those we hurt will hurt less as time passes and can understand and forgive. Good luck to you.

  • i + i
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    I cannot tell you if the decision is right 

    FOR YOU... that is something you will 

    have to figure out on your own. All I can 

    do is to tell you anecdotally that it was 

    the best decision for my niece, who was 

    in a situation similar to yours, and she 

    had to make up her mind on her own... 

    Ten years later, she's just one semester 

    from graduating college (with honors), 

    and has a wonderful career lined up 

    (by way of work-study/apprenticeship) 

    and the life ahead is looking very bright 

    for her and her daughter. 

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