Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

I keep telling my husband I want to travel more to strengthen our bond but he says everything is dangerous. how can i get him to loosen up?

Every state and country i mention he always says " oh its dangerous, they have a lot of shootings there." I always try to plain romantic getaways and he just shoots them down. We have been married 10 years and have only traveled once and i believe that's why. im getting so bored with this marriage. of course i can travel with my friends and family but its not the same, i crave a ROMANTIC getaway.  I'm jealous of my friends that are constantly traveling with their spouses.  It gets real old getting constantly asked where is my husband at when we go on family vacations. I told him we are always fighting a lot and i believe it's because we need a getaway just us two and not being constantly occupied and phones and facebook. My friends always tell me vacations bring them closer together with their spouses and they feel rejuvinated and deeper in love after. traveling is intimacy. i crave that. i crave a deeper connection with him. I knew the first year we were together that he wasn't adventurous as me. I'm much more free spirited and adventurous.  but i thought opposites attract and that since he was a loyal husband and not abusive that it was enough. now i'm finding myself craving more from life and it's starting to itch at me.

Update:

even though i knew he wasnt as adventurous as me I always hoped that love could hold us together and the fact that we are best friends

10 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Clearly this guy traveled happily in the years you dated him before marriage ('cause you wouldn't have married him otherwise) so this sudden change in perspective on travel could mean something's up with him either emotionally or in a mental health sense. Obviously in most parts of the world travel is extremely limited right now and not an option for most, especially Brits and Americans. So spend the rest of the pandemic helping him get into some talk therapy to better understand why a former globetrotter who was your perfect match has suddenly become so fearful. Some of his feelings are legit because in fact some parts have gotten more dangerous in the recent past. But he shouldn't be refusing to even leave the house for a long weekend away (if the COVID-19 restrictions in your area allow that). 

  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Traveling with someone who does not like to travel is not going to strengthen your bond. doing things together that you both enjoy might. but definitely not him doing something he is dead set against just because you keep asking him to. that is how to make him resent you not feel closer to you

  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Because of the uncontrolled pandemic, you are wrong to travel just now, it is endangering to your health and possibly even your life. Your issue goes beyond the pandemic, however.  It depends upon how the rest of your marriage is, and whether you find this issue of travel significant enough or not, to end the marriage. I suspect that there are more, greater differences between the two of you and they are troubling you, as well. Traveling alone should not make or break a marriage. Indeed, we can't have everything just the way we want in any relationship. You could always arrange to travel with friends, or an organized group, without your stay at home hubby. But not NOW.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Have you ever tried a different approach?  What if you said "Look, I really want to go on a trip with you, but I know it's not your favorite thing.  So you get to pick the destination".  What would he say if you did this?

    There may be a much bigger problem, though.  All this talk of intimacy is very puzzling!  If your marriage has intimacy problems, a trip isn't going to fix this.  My husband and I like to travel, and we sometimes feel rejuvenated or whatever when we get back, but we're not using the trip to fix intimacy problems.  We just want a break from our everyday lives.  So I'm not sure what your friends mean when they say they feel more in love.  

    I'm not sure what to suggest.  I read your question twice, and I didn't get the feeling you're someone who loves to travel and explore new places.  I got the feeling you think it's the only way to get closer to your husband or fix a sense of alienation you have.  

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  • 1 month ago

    Look for a FWB to travel with.  The happier you are the more your needs are met - not ignored.  The more you are validated and listened to the better wife you can be.  The more you can focus on him.  When he is isolating, attacking or abandoning you it is not possible.

  • kristy
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Go somewhere without him

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Well, to be fair - COVID 19 has affected all of our travel plans as of now. I understand, I'm a big adventurer like you are and before the virus I have gone on a vacation nearly every year of my life (I'm 29). I've traveled across America, Europe, the Caribbean, etc. and at this moment in life I feel completely lost without travel experiences.

    By the way; I've found opposites attract to be complete B.S. over the years. Ask yourself this - on a scale of 0 - 100%, how happy are you in this marriage. If your answer is any less than 100, you deserve so much better. The media has us conditioned to settle for less than what we deserve otherwise society deems us as "selfish" if we go after what we truly want instead. No offense at all, but some of these reasons are probably why you've settled down with your husband, right?

    If you don't have kids together, it would be so much easier to pick up and leave now before you find yourself in a 20 year relationship with 2.5 kids. Leaving becomes so much harder the longer you've become accustomed to someone, whether you are happy in the relationship or not.

    Don't let that become you. Don't only do it for yourself, but do it for all of us women out here who are desperate to see examples of women leading their own lives and never settling for less than what they deserve.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Since you haven't heard there is a literal pandemic right now. I'm sorry that your feelings aren't 100% positive.

  • 1 month ago

    Spend another year reading up on things. Covid has the world spooked to travel with good reason. And we're told now that it's getting worse in numerous places. And there are quite a lot of countries that won't let Americans in now because the USA is one of the most contaminated places on the planet. 

  • i + i
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    "... I knew the first year we were together 

    that he wasn't adventurous as me. ..." -- 

    Then you are getting EXACTLY what you 

    signed up for. Too late to whine now. 

    [Also, foolish to travel for the next year or so.]

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