what is fetishisation of gay men/mlm?

I know this is an issue, but I'm new to fandom spaces and hadn't heard it discussed in real life.

I understand that adults being turned on by minors in YA is an issue, and that perpetuating tropes of rape/abuse is harmful to mlm.

But is there a problem with reading erotica/watching porn that has gay men in, as a woman? Is it not just enjoyment in a voyeristic way?

Also, I know labeling top/bottom can be ppl projecting their hetero lens onto mlm but surely it's an important thing to say when we're talking about their sex lives? To know what's happening? And what ppl like sexually is a part of their character?Seeing as there's nothing inherently problematic about discussing sex, it's also important and educational, and fiction/fanfiction is how we learn a lot about the world and sex is part of that. Sexuality, including how people have sex is a part of their identity and their life? Why is it an issue to talk about it?Is it the inaccurate portrayal that is the issue?Is it ppl crossing boundaries in real life that's an issue? Bc I obviously don't ask my gay male friends any more invasive questions than my straight ones? I just talk about sex with everyone?

I'm really confused by what I'm hearing. It seems like people are just uncomfortable with discussing gay sex which feels really odd?

Just please can someone explain what the issues are and what is fetishisation vs what is non-problematic behaviour, I want to listen and learn.

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  • 1 month ago
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    The problem comes when people a) start fetishizing real gay men, or b) fetishize gay men but do not support the lgbtq community. The fan work that you choose to consume is up to you, but once someone starts gushing about how cute and sexy gay men are, but then go and say that lesbians are creepy or predatory it becomes an issue. It’s the same as when straight guys watch lesbian porn then pick on gay guys. Whatever porn/fanfic/fanart you want to view is perfectly fine, just treat real gay people with respect and you should be good. 

    As for labeling top/bottom, it really depends on who you’re talking about. Fictional characters have no feelings to hurt so you can say whatever you want about them. When it comes to real people some are comfortable with labels like that and others aren’t. Generally if someone describes themself as a top or bottom it’s fine, but don’t describe another real person as a top or bottom unless they have first.

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