Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

Why is my husband so obsessed with his mother?

My husband has always been obsessed with his mom. She did not raise him, his grandmother did. She’s barely a mom at all to any of her kids. She’s very selfish and immature for a woman in her 40’s. Whatever she does he praises her for it. If she does anything bad he won’t say anything to her but instead makes excuses for her. A couple of years ago, I signed for her a vehicle but she wouldn’t make the payments. Of course, I took the vehicle from her and sold it because my credit took a nasty hit. My husband did not at all take up for me when she talked **** about me over it. He didn’t take either side and tried to make excuses for her. He spends every dime we have on her and expects me to say nothing about it. I sometimes think he loves her way more than he could ever love me or anyone for that matter. I don’t understand their relationship. 

7 Answers

  • Kate
    Lv 6
    1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    When you married did and your husband take traditional vows that say "Forsaking all others"? If you did, your husband has been breaking his vows. You are his wife and his mother is "others". He is forsaking you for his mother.

    I heard this advice when a therapist offered it to my husband. It really helped. He realized that I should be #1. We get along so much better because our marriage only has two people in it now. My m-i-l didn't really understand at  first, even after my husband talked with her. It's been a few years and she is ok with it. We take good care of her, he still shops for her and helps her out but it took a year or so before she stopped complaining about it. 

    Good luck, I feel your pain. I hope your child/husband choses YOU, his WIFE.

  • 1 month ago

    Its not possible for us to explain why your husband favors his mother as he does. But the bigger question is what do you wish to do about it?  Your options are :

    1. put up and live with things as they are.

    2. Insist on change and itemize with him just

        what you specifically will require.

    3. Dissolve the marriage and go your own way.

    So, which best fits for your situation?

  • Ann
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Children who have absent or abusive parents fantasize about having perfect parents who will love them unconditionally.  The fact that your husband's mother is now in your husband's life makes him terrified she will again abandon him, so he does everything he can to keep her close.  It's not a matter of love.  It's a matter of a child who was physically and emotionally abandoned and damaged by an unstable person who should have never been a parent.  Both of you need to go to family counseling so he can see what this is doing to the both of you.

  • i + i
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    The saddest part of your little story 

    is that you actually married someone 

    like him. The question is: why?

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Men are more attached to their mothers than their fathers as they age. I've known several men like this and their moms were crappy parents. 

  • 1 month ago

    Sounds like your husband was damaged as a result of having an absent mom growing up never receiving the love and validation he craved from her, that your own parents likely offered you so often that you took it all for granted.  Thus he may be working on filling up that hole the debt of love created and criticizing mom is counter-productive to that goal.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago


    Hes trying to keep her from leaving. 

    Since she was never around.

    Classic case of child abandonment issues with his mother. 

    Get rid of him if you dont really love him. Because he'll remain this way to make up for lost time with her. 

    🥴 Ive seen it. My basterd cousins have these same mommy abandonment issues. And whenever they see their mom, they make her feel like absolute crap for leaving even after theyve made up.

    But they still have these abandonment issues. Hence why I also dont want kids. The ones experiencing abandonment issues like your hubby, cursed my own mother because mine stuck around for her kids.

    🥴 Long story short, he's damaged goods thanks to her and it will take a lifetime to undo it if ever.

    That means if you stay, you have your work cut out.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.