I’m not sure if I’m just taking this the wrong way! ?

Me and my partner are in the final stages of completing our mortgage, with the financial help of his grandparents and my dad. His grandparents put a lot more into it than my family. I’m 30 weeks pregnant with our son. So throughout the whole search for a house I always assumed we’d do it 50/50. I had an image of it being our first house, paying it off together, happy days. 

It’s mentioned as we’re signing for it to be complete that they want 80/90% of the mortgage in his name and 10/20% in mine. Which don’t get me wrong, I’m so grateful for their help, I’m just hurt that they feel they need to protect their money from me.  It’s been said this is the reason bcos they’ve seen it happen to their son, he got a mortgage with his girlfriend, she took 50% of the money. I feel hit with the same brush? 

Me and my partner spoke about this agreement and he says it’s not him wanting it this way but his grandparents because it’s their money. I feel like I’d stick up for my partner if this situation happened with my family? 

He suggested we still pay it off between us 50/50. I refused no way, I said we pay it off how it’s agreed on paper. I’m not doing this when I have a son to protect in the future. This caused a lot of hurt and him saying ‘you don’t love or trust me’ 

He made me feel guilty and I apologised in the end, I agreed to the mortgage he wants although I felt upset and not 100% about it. He’s agreed to pay it back 80% which is fair. 

What would you do in this situation? 

15 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    A mortgage isn't "split" into percentages of ownership. You either co-own the property or you don't. What you are asking really makes no sense, and what you SAY your inlaws are demanding makes no sense. 

    If they gave you the money to help with buying your house, they can't really "demand" that the ownership is not equal, as long as both names are on the agreement--yours and your partners. 

    NOR can they prevent you from ever leaving, or suing your partner for half of the profits if the house is ever sold, and the property divided. 

    check your facts again. What you say is just wrong factually.  This isn't how mortgages work.  

  • garry
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    seems you are lazy and good for nothing , husbands provide for a wife and kids , not the grand parents , and your upset because this hand out is going to disappear .act like a man and pay 100% .stop blugging off your parents and grandparents .

  • 1 month ago

    If you are listed on the deed, you are equal owners. You can't split it up to certain percentages.

    You don't say how much money each side of the family gave.

    I have the same thing happen. We received a loan from fiance's parents equal to cost of our house. They did not want me to be be listed on the deed because their lawyers told them if something happened to me, my family may want my half of the house.

    We agreed to do this until the house is paid off and my name will go on the property deed.

    At first I was annoyed, but realized if anything happened to their son, they would not hesitate to let me keep the house.

    Your husbands family is just trying to protect their investment.

  • 1 month ago

    You seriously need to talk to a property lawyer to understand what's going on here.  Really.  

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  • n2mama
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    I am going to assume you’re in the U.K. and you’re talking about buying the property as tenants in common rather than joint tenants. 

    Personally, I can totally understand where his grandparents are coming from, especially as they had a previous experience with their son and his girlfriend and want to protect their grandchild from the same. Sure, you find that hurtful since you would like to think your situation is different, that you’d never do that, etc. etc. But how you feel right now and how you might feel in a few years could be very different. If four years from now things fall apart between you and your partner and you want out, you may take the position that you’ve been living there with your son and paying half the bills for four years so you deserve 50% of everything, even though grandma and grandpa paid a lot more to get the mortgage in the first place.

    I do not think you are unreasonable to take a position that if the mortgage says he is 80% responsible then he should pay for 80% of the cost. Why should you pay half and lose 30% each month? Why would he feel that is appropriate for you to do?

    I do think it sounds like you have some serious challenges here. Financially you (the two of you) may be making a big mistake if you need help from both his grandparents and your dad just to get the mortgage. It sounds like you may be on fragile financial footing and any setback could put you in danger of not being able to pay the mortgage. And you’re having a baby, which is happy news, but expensive. And babies almost always have unexpected expenses associated with them, so hopefully you’re ready for that. I also would have concerns about a partner who thinks it is appropriate to try and use emotional blackmail (“you don’t really love me”) to get his way when he is the one who agreed with his grandparents about how the mortgage should be split.

    So what would I do? I’d reconsider the choices I was making and maybe not go through with the mortgage and home purchase until we could do it without needing money from family. Or if I really wanted the house, I’d recognize that by accepting so much financial support from his grandparents I was giving them the right to set terms like this and that if I want the $, I have to accept it.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    None of you understand how a mortgage actually works.   

    Troll smarter, not harder. 

  • Maxi
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    I wouldn't get into that situation in the first place when neither of you can afford to purchase so are relying on each others family to fund you both and that means they start making decisions for you both...so it is a partent/child relationship and parents being the adults it is parent choice not the childs and I would NEVER purchase a property with a 'partner' as there are legal financial safe guards only when you are married to the other person which do not go into affect with non married.............

    I would rent, save, get married and then purchase when you are fnancial stable without 'help' from family so they have no say in my relationship or financial decisions

  • Amy
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Don't confuse the mortgage with the deed.

    The deed says who owns the house. The mortgage is a loan that typically all signers are responsible for paying back. The bank doesn't care who pays.

    It's perfectly reasonable to apportion ownership of the house four ways in the same ratio as the amount of the mortgage that will be paid back by each of you, your partner, your family, and his family. But you need a contract between the four of you in case one party doesn't make their payments, and you need to warn each other in advance so that the others can make the payment on time.

    It sounds like you might prefer to straight-up borrow the money from his family and pay it back over time, rather than let them sign the mortgage.

  • Tavy
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Would a loan company accept this?

  • Rick B
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You don't buy a house with a "partner".  Of course, you also don't typically have babies with a "partner" either.

    Get married and buy the house as equals.

    Also, I would probably not take money from my parents, grandparents, etc. to buy MY home.

    You mention a situation in the past where someone bought a house with a girlfriend and it did not turn out so well.  Learn from that.

    If you are not getting married, the ONE OF you should buy the house, and the other is simply a renter/tenant.

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