Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 1 month ago

How can l politely explain to my father’s wife that she’s not invited to come wedding dress shopping? ?

I am trying to be very polite to my father’s wife. Ever since I became engaged she’s been sticking her nose into every plan that l make and questioning everything that l do. It’s very annoying. She’s always been rude, snobbish, and opinionated. 

Next Saturday l have an appointment to go try on wedding dresses. I’m only taking my my mom and my awesome FMIL with me. Only their opinions matter to me. However father’s wife wants to come as well. I am trying to be polite to the woman, but she’s being really pushy about the situation. She  claims she’s the “other mother of the bride.” I think that’s extremely offensive! I’m trying to be polite, and I’m not sure what l should say. Do you all have any suggestions?  

17 Answers

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  • 1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    Tragically, anything you say other than agreeing to her wishes, will offend her. Perhaps you should talk to your Dad and ask him to talk to her, he may know the best way to get trough to her without upsetting her too much.

  • ?
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    You need to be honest with her.  Just tell her if you need her help - you will ask....and move on.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    You need to put your foot down, otherwise where will it end? If  you get pregnant, and want your mom with you at the birth, she'll want to be there too!

  • 1 month ago

    Sorry (name) not trying to be rude but I wanted this to be a special day for just me and my mum

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  • Trish
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    Just tell her and as long as she keeps butting in it might not hurt to give her something to do.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

     There's no other way than being straight out rude zxjqkpb

     . . . . . . . . . .

    🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳

  • drip
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    And how did she find out about your appointment? Stop telling your dad and her details about the wedding.

    Speaking to your dad may good a good idea. Be calm and polite. But tell him your mom is the mother of the bride. You don’t want to hurt his wife’s feeling but you won’t be inviting her to go with. Let him know your mom is the mother of the bride. And although his wife is family no one can take take that role but your mom. 

    Offer another task. After you book your reception venue, ask your Dad if he and his wife would like to see it. Offer to go with her to pick out her dress. 

    Get use to saying Well that’s an idea. Oh we will think about that. What a great idea, but Groom and I already have that set.  Oh thanks but Groom and I got it. And bluntly change the subject. And stop telling her every plan you make and every thing you do. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    what's the big deal? you get your mom and fmil, why can't you just get one more to tag along? oh is it because WE'RE IN A PANDEMIC?

    grow up dude. you're getting married. start acting like a justified adult. use your words... communicate.... stop being polite then?!

  • 1 month ago

    Maybe change the date and not tell her. HA!  Tell her that this is a special "family day" and no offense to her, you just want the two women one that raised you and the other who with sweet patience taught you how to cook and learn things a young bride wouldn't know. Might as well do it, she's gonna get POD at some point anyway. Sounds to me like she is kinda looking for a fight.  Do not give her what she wants!! If she starts when you tell her this or other answer, say something like well, and be sincere--" I'm sorry that you feel this way; but, Mom and I planned this a long time ago or these are the people you want . This is a family thing and I only have one Mother."

    Have you ever heard the old saying, "Start as you mean to go on"--Set your rules that you will tolerate from her now and after marriage and think of subtle ways to use them or she will be an issue about everything. Talk to Dad, excuse my bluntness but; she's the one in his bed and that's the place to get what you want--so I don't know about asking Dad, so don't involve him.  He wouldn't understand a "woman thing" anyway.

    Do it as quickly, nicely and low key as possible. She has to learn that she is NOT the BOSS.

  • Kerri
    Lv 4
    1 month ago

    You politely tell her that this is your wedding and that you hope she understands that while she is indeed your stepmother thus in theory “a mother of the bride” you and she have not formed the closeness of a mother daughter relationship and you are reserving the specialness of dress shopping for your own mother and future mil, those you are close to and that it isn’t meant to hurt your feelings or snub her for meanness to want things your way to make your big day special. She doesn’t have to like your explanation but it’s your right to want to include those you have a close living bond with in your big day planning. Won’t hurt to let your father know how you feel and why you won’t be including his wife in your special plans. 

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