Help with communicating with an estranged sibling?
My sister and I have drifted apart over the last couple years and I fear this will go on our whole lives. She is 26, me 38. This estrangement comes from years of insults from her and I could not take it anymore and lost it with her. She has hated me ever since. We will at times have to see each other through our parents. How do I communicate? How do I react when she starts insulting me to others because of my stunted social skills (this is why she bullies me)? 1 mistake and she can flip. She also lies about me in the form of animated truths (embellishes things to make me look bad). Do I strike back so she will fear me?
She is one of those people who does not seem to have much morals.
Anonymous: The rest of the family backs me and knows she is a psychopath with no soul.
bluebellbkk: Trust me, she hates me. Dislike is when you can be nice to the person and just don't individually seek them out. I dislike her, she hates me.
- Anonymous1 month agoFavorite Answer
Why would you WANT to communicate with her?
It is not necessary to remain in touch with relatives who makes your life miserable, who are toxic. You have the right to choose to leave those people out of your life. There is simply no point in subjecting yourself to attacks and insults from someone you cannot change or control. Why waste your time and energy, when they could be devoted to someone or something more rewarding?
If you fear that aging parents may mean that you'll HAVE to communicate with her, and even work with her, at some point, well, that's a valid concern. However, this is not the place to get advice about that. I suggest that you see a therapist about ways to manage the situation when the time comes.
The important thing to remember, if you are forced to deal with this person, is that her behavior is the result of her own problems, not yours. That understanding can help you ignore her insults and not rise to the bait.
But see that therapist. I'm surprised you're not in therapy already. YA is really not the place to get help with serious personal problems and issues.
- bluebellbkkLv 71 month ago
What makes you think she's going to "fear" you?
And how can you be so sure she "hates" you? She might simply prefer not to be around you, which is a VERY different feeling from "hate".
Just be calm, behave as well as you can, and people who care will SEE that while you may indeed have poor social skills, you are still basically a nice person who means well.Don't let her enrage you like this. She can only make you angry if YOU allow her to.
- dripLv 71 month ago
Sounds like being estranged from her is your best choice. Stay away.
- Anonymous1 month ago
She's not lying, which is why the rest of the family believes her over you.
Strike back all you like. No one is ever going to fear you.