Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 month ago

How do I know what love is and why do I seem to have just fleeting interest for people? ?

I’ve been obsessing over one guy 

But when I eventually meet him kiss and get physical with him, my interest in him wanes and I feel it’s just fleeting 

He’s a guy I’ve been seeing on and off who I want a relationship with but he doesn’t seem to want to commit 

Then there are other guys who I meet and I know they would be interested in getting to know me more. I like them as a person and enjoy their company but when they want to see me more often and start showing their interest I always tend to back off. I also can’t see myself getting physically involved with them 

Whereas for the other guy I can 

How do I know which guy it is that I like? 

How do I know when I’m in love? How does love develop 

I have a strong liking to the guy I’m seeing (the one who doesn’t want to commit) but I also feel that my feelings for him change from one day to the next 

I want a secure relationship 

I’m 30 and single and never been in anything serious before 

How do I find love / how do I know when it’s love ? 

For me love is not butterflies in the stomach it’s a strong willingness to be close to someone and to try to work on it with the one person. Never give up on them so to speak. I feel that with the guy I’m seeing but I don’t know if that is love or not? Sometimes I just feel it’s friendship?

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago
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    I’ve been obsessing over one guy 

    Never a good situation to find yourself in.But when I eventually meet him kiss and get physical with him, my interest in him wanes and I feel it’s just fleetingThat's because you don't value yourself enough based on past experiences.He’s a guy I’ve been seeing on and off who I want a relationship with but he doesn’t seem to want to commit 

    Then why are you still pursuing somebody that obviously doesn't see what a great woman you are?  

    Then there are other guys who I meet and I know they would be interested in getting to know me more. I like them as a person and enjoy their company but when they want to see me more often and start showing their interest I always tend to back off. I also can’t see myself getting physically involved with them

    Again, that's because in the past you've not just dipped your toe in the water you've dived straight in and they've let you down, hence, once bitten twice shy, so you'll avoid such situations at all cost!

    Whereas for the other guy I can

    Placing very little value on oneself only enables one to malfunction, hence, you shoot for the stars when really you should be completely disregarding such indidvduals!

    How do I know which guy it is that I like?

    Sadly, for now, you'll never be able to know until you've attended Therapy. 

    How do I know when I’m in love? How does love develop

    Again Therapy sessions will help clear all the fog you've created re your true self-worth within the dating arena. 

    I have a strong liking to the guy I’m seeing (the one who doesn’t want to commit) but I also feel that my feelings for him change from one day to the next

    Because you're possibly in an FWB scenario which is somewhat kinder like unrequited because the person appears to leave you deflated in certain situations, hence, your feelings are forever swaying.  

    I want a secure relationship 

    Then you need to work with a Therapist to realign your mindset re relationships, do's and don't's.  

    I’m 30 and single and never been in anything serious before

    Then you're still in a great position despite believing you're not! So, get yourself a good Therapist asap.

    How do I find love / how do I know when it’s love ? 

    Needing to ask such a Q only means you're not ready for the sating arena yet, so like I keep mentioning, get yourself a Therapist asap.

    For me love is not butterflies in the stomach it’s a strong willingness to be close to someone and to try to work on it with the one person. Never give up on them so to speak. I feel that with the guy I’m seeing but I don’t know if that is love or not? Sometimes I just feel it’s friendship?

    This is possibly the one Q you invariably have gotten right. Yes, it's sadly become a friendship that might well now be and become to be FWB, however, sadly you still appear to be attempting to force him to feel exactly how you feel albeit you too are uncertain of how to categorize the relationship! That said it's probably deep affection on your part and FWB in his.

    They say love is like the wind

    Even if you are not able to see it

    you'll feel it!

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