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Mixing money & buying a house together in relationships?

My partner thinks when a man and woman are together (married or LTR), they should both sell up their homes and buy one home together. Deep down, I think this is a mistake. I don't wish to combine finances as things could get messy oneday ..you just never know..I am realistic and know even the most wonderful relationships could oneday turn. I suggested we live in one home and rent out the other but he seems to think otherwise. What do you think?

18 Answers

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  • ?
    Lv 7
    2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    Unless you absolutely need the money or the market predictions are dire for a piece of property you never ever sell real estate, that's investing 101. On top of that you don't make big, life changing decisions over a relationship that doesn't involve the legal protections of marriage, that's just family law 101. This partner of yours may be just pushing this because it makes him feel more secure to know that you've got nowhere to go if you become unhappy in the relationship... Yes, read that again, it's as bad as it sounds. Whether he fully realizes it or not this is a form of attempted coercive control and any time someone has to strip you of all options just to keep you there's something deeply wrong with the relationship. 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    I agree you need a prenup

    all those saying being married loose the facts in most marriages dissolve in divorce 

    and do not provide the protection of a prenup and sound financial planing

    love is emotional, divorce is emotional 

    financial planning is practicality not emotion 

    OH yeah

    financial planning may invoke emotion in those those do not want to plan but want to hope all live will be perfect   and fall apart at the first life hiccup 

    this is what you wish to avoid and should avoid 

  • ?
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    To each their own.  Personally, no mixing of money and buying a house together until marriage.

  • 2 months ago

    YOUR instinct is correct 

    I own rental apartments and make my living now that way

    but I would NOT buy / rent house the cost factor verse income is not good 

    sell one and live in the other  -- the cash from the sell is banks in a way it is not ever spent in the need for it in the future and kept in the name of the owner of the sold house.  

    ---------------------

    I agree you need a prenup before any actions 

    you should sell one house and the it the one you live in remain property of the original owner -- the other person pays rent,, rent not based on cost of the payment and upkeep but on a low reasonable amount 

    as well ONE joint living account both put equal amount in to pay for basics - food, electric bills etc  --  no home upkeep the rent pays that  -- each of you keep your own accounts and money ,, only once you agree on a project you both pay in equal amounts

    if one wants to have / buy / a project or venture, and the other does not,, the one pays 100% on their own  -- this brings sacrifice as a personal choice and not a forced on the pother choice  --- you will find the shared money ends up poorly saved / spent 

    this arrangement does not mean one cannot BY FREE CHOICE pay the others way on said trips but it is not deal making process....IE: we spend a boat load ON YOUR CHOICE THEN EQUAL BOATLOAD ON MY PROJECT -- making us broke all the way around 

    if you live responsible there is no worry about divorce but too many marriage LVT  are based on assumptions as you man has said he wants to combine in one and share..... share what?  only after you end up in conflicts do you realize the arrangement was bad to take away all your own Autonomy and end up in court ,,, finding out that debt he made is your debt too etc.    -- thus keep debt separate in all ways 

    get a PO box and never have credit in the home address in common with him 

    RESPECT is the key not blind mindless living as "IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE"  (they should) just because all the people around you are doing foolish things does not mean you should do foolish things 

    that leads to one last point.... if you have children with him,,,, you have than by default combined some obligations and disturbed your original agreement and that ALTERNATIVE PLAN  should be part of the prenup too (noting prior children are not part of the shared obligation REGARDLESS of the poor conditions with ex spouses)

    I will add ,,, if his reason for selling both house and buying together is to lower cost burden on you and him...... you already have a problem

    it is a myth two can live as cheap as one ,,,, even with your best effort your cost and his cost off living will increase with cohabitation,,,, 

    Sample

     he demands  cable TV with max benefits $250.00 

    you have a antenna and it cost nothing   ---- your cost if 100% shared in now $125.00 more than before ... his is lower sure,, but if you said no CABLE and only Antenna his saving s is $250.00 ..... he will refuse that and your stuck paying $125.00 for a waste of money  --- on another he may never buy gift like Christmas or birthdays for anyone ever,,, you may spend $2000.00 at Christmas and some on his family,,, he sees giving his family a total waste and you see it as wonderful .. his increase in cost $1000.00  ---- so no money should ever be spent in the name of the other 

  • 2 months ago

    There's nothing wrong with your way of thinking. 

    there's nothing wrong with his way of thinking either. 

    the question you have to ask yourself is 

    is this is a deal breaker? 

    is this his deal breaker? 

    I actually suggest you move into an apartment together for a year (2 bedrooms). You put half on the deposit and he puts half on the deposit and you rent the two houses out. 

    this is a way out of it and tell him you could make more money. or heck buy a third house (decent, but a fixer upper) and put your money in that. 

    If you don't want to combine finances, check your state law on community property. 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Yikes.  Every counselor and adviser on the planet (couples counseling, financial advisers, etc) says you never ever make a major purchase with someone to whom you aren't married.  So you're very smart on that.  But on your suggestion, this is a terrible idea if you're doing it as a way to compromise.   How long have you been dating and how serious is the relationship?  

    I ask because the biggest mistake couples make today is moving in together too soon or for the wrong reasons.  I've seen this irl and here on YA.  I made the mistake myself once.  This isn't playing house, or taking it to a next level.  Living together can be fun if done right, but the 2/47 intimacy always brings stress.  It's imperative that your communication skills to top notch, meaning the 2 of you can talk openly and honestly about everything.  If you aren't there yet, don't do this.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    I don't know what "sell up" means.  I had a house, my husband had a house, we rented both out and bought a house together.  We have both separate and joint savings and checking accounts.  Would I EVER buy property without being married to the other person?  No.  The legal entanglements could become expensive.

  • n2mama
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    I think there would be a lot of things that would have to be considered and accounted for in this situation. If a couple gets married and they each own their own houses prior to the marriage, if they don’t sell both homes and buy a new home together, how do they decide which home is going to be the one they live in versus rent out? The rental property is much more likely to be subject to potential damage, the tax ramifications are different, the maintenance and upkeep may be different. And who would pay for what? Is the spouse who is renting out their home expected to pay anything toward the taxes, maintenance, utilities, etc. in the shared residence, or are they only responsible for the costs of the home they own that is being rented out? What if you want to upgrade the house you are living in, which greatly increases the value of that property? Would the spouse who doesn’t own that home have any rights to the change in property value in the event the marriage ends or they decide to sell? 

    There is also the emotional component involved with this. How does the person who is moving out of their own home be made to feel completely and entirely welcome in the other home, which has always been the other partners sole home? Are they able to make changes, decorate, bring in their own furniture, or would that not be welcomed since it isn’t “their” house? 

    Ultimately each couple has to make the decision that works for them, and what works for me might not work for you.

  • ?
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Even after you get married you should keep your finances apart.

    I recommend you both figure out how you're going to pay the bills.  Does one of you pay one bill and another another bill or will you each be paying 50%?

    Once you determine that then you should set up a joint account and each of you set up a direct deposit for that (predetermined) amount so you have assurance that there's enough money in the account when the bills are due.

    But, before you even get to that point you need to see a lawyer to make sure ownership of the property is 50/50 and both of your signatures are required when selling the house and proceeds will be split 50/50 in the event the relationship doesn't work out.

    Good luck.

  • 2 months ago

    I think it's up to you, but in my life, i'd rather live in my own place.  If you're married that's another thing, but you don't seem to be.  

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