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Is it selfish to not want your 5th pregnancy after 4 kids?

I am a mother of 4 , all under the age of 8. I recently became pregnant again with the father of my children( sidebar: we have been having issues due to his consistent infidelity with a woman that he has a child by that was conceived during our relationship , and he may be the father of her most recent child). I know that going back with him was not the best idea but i have been with him for a decade and love him dearly despite the obvious BS and thought that i could make it work. Know in the face of a 5th child, my career starting to take off, he and I are at a decent place but i am still 50/50 on him like he just cheated on me less than a year ago with that girl and could have a daughter with her,( other side bar: they had sex while their child was hospitalized in ICU- the possible conception of the new baby she has)) i am like I don't want to go thru with this pregnancy due to that as well as the astronomical responsibilities of taking care of 5 little people but Am i selfish for my reasons. 4 is alot, 5 is way too much when looking at the responsibilities of caring for the children and myself. He says that " we would be responsible" but he doesnt get that i carry alot of the weight of care . he said that is a weak excuse. well is it? need some outside answers   

8 Answers

  • Times
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    If you already got pregnant, then yes it would be selfish. Abortion is murder.

  • 2 months ago

    You are one of the most foolish wives I know of.

    Why be stuck with 5 of his 7 kids?  He is only staying married to avoid paying child support.

    Here you are, worried about being selfish when you are the ultimate enabler to your selfish husband and his mistress with the stepchildren to your children.

    You would be a fool to strap yourself with another kid. Especially with such an unstable marriage. Adopt the child to a couple Who WANTS a child.

    I just wish that one day you would wake up and magically have some self respect.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    another child wont do harm? You are being selfish,  so yes u are

  • 2 months ago

    His excuse is the weak excuse. I'm sorry, "We should be responsible," coming from the mouth of someone who cannot manage responsibility to one woman at a time and who really doesn't know how many children he has because of his unfaithfulness. That's ridiculous, of course he wants you to shoulder the responsibility for his actions, because he cannot be bothered to be responsible. Just because you've had four children, doesn't mean you have to continue having them, you get to evaluate where you are physically, emotionally, financially, etc with each pregnancy. I understand your commitment to this person in spite of his somewhat less than steady commitment to you, however, you can love him and still call him out on his BS. You aren't selfish, you are wanting to give the children you already have the best life you can, you want to experience this career you are entering, you know that your relationship is troubled, and you know that you will wind up with the full weight of care. You do what you need to do. 

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  • 2 months ago

    When he said "we would be responsible," he just means you. Him mentioning that's a weak excuse just means he doesn't want you to get an abortion so you can just continue to be trapped with him. Usually the women are the ones who do take care of the kids the most and if you feel this will bring you down then your should consider your options. And honestly if you choose abortion you should also leave him too. It's your decision and I don't want to judge you for staying. You also don't want to get pregnant again in a few months. Your in control of this. This is your decision and do what's best for you.

  • ?
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    1 or 2 is plenty...................

  • 2 months ago

    Nope, you're not being selfish. This is absolutely a time when choosing an abortion could be the right thing for you, considering your existing caring responsibilities; the lack of support you're getting / will get from the father; and your own life aspirations. 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    I will keep this short but strong:

    He is toxic, leave him. Do not even think it over for another second. Now long answer: It is not selfish to not want a 5th child if you are not ready for it. However, you are already pregnant with the child so I would suggest, before getting a divorce (btw get proof of his infidelity, it will help your case) or separation, start by finding help whether it's financial help or mental or physical help with the kids. That way you are sure you will be fine when taking care of them. This help is out there, so do not worry it will be too hard to accomplish. Emotionally this will be hard, I can tell you that. But with time, you'll be glad you did it and wonder why you didn't start sooner. 

    Good luck, bless your kids! 

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