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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

It’s been years and I still can’t look at a photo of him!?

When I was 11 I lost my dad. That was 21 years ago. I’ve lost grandparents since then and unfortunately a sister to drugs. I’ve never been able to look at a photo of my dad without crying even to this day. I don’t think about my dad too often. I do think about him but it’s never in a depressed or sad type of way. Yes, I miss him but I don’t get sad. I’ve accepted it at this point in my life. My mom remarried when I was 17, my step dad is wonderful. I don’t understand why I can’t look at a photo of my dad though. It’s not an issue with grandparents or my sister. Why is this? Is there something wrong with me??

8 Answers

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  • d j
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    Nothing wrong with you.

    You were most emotionally attached to your late dad.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Anything which makes you uncomfortable after 21 years needs to be addressed.  I lost my husband at a very young age 11 years ago.  I look at his photos, and I remember the good times, and I smile.  The grief has never completely stopped, but I don't cry when I look at his photo.  See a mental health professional and find out where the problem lies.

  • T J
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    See a grief counselor to help you

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Things that happen in childhood tend to cement themselves more securely to our psyche and stay there for life. The loss of a parent when you're just 11 would have a profound practical impact on your life too. Losing grandparents is the expected order of things and unless they lived in your home with you wouldn't necessarily impact your daily life as much as losing a parent. This would be especially true if the loss of that parent's income necessitated a drastic change in your standard of living. So I don't think there's anything "wrong" with you. Different people grieve differently and for some having photos around is a comfort while for others it's just too hard to look at those images. 

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  • 1 month ago

    There is a stage in life where a person is particularly vulnerable to change.  I had the same issue when we moved to a new area at age 8.  It destroyed my sense of security.  Even though the new place was much better.  So losing your dad at this age has clearly been traumatic.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    It's most likely because of the emotional impact that losing a parent can have at such a young age. There is a level of attachment to a parent that isn't quite the same for grandparents (unless they live in the same household and help raise you and you see them day to day). You were probably just better emotionally equipped as a slightly older you when you lost other people close to you. If your sibling was attempting to self-medicate to tolerate the world, then you may have already grown apart from her life choices. Grief takes its time and comes and goes in waves. And hopefully those waves get further and further apart and that the good memories outweigh the times you feel sad. There's nothing wrong with how you feel. I doubt he would have wanted you to feel this way. As a parent, we want our kids to be happy. Looking at his picture just forces you to face the loss even if you don't typically feel sad about it anymore. It is just the intensity of the emotions that connect us to others that matter in how we feel without that person. And that can be related to a loss through death or a loss through a breakup. Anyone you have that strong connection to - that is involved in your day to day life in a way that you depend on to survive, is going to impact you more than anyone else. 

  • 1 month ago

    There’s a child in you that just never probably really dealt with it. You just tucked it away in sorrow and kept goin.. Your soul misses him more than your mind will let believe. You need to just let it out. Let the emotions flow, and be ok with it. You will always love and miss your dad. It’s ok to let those emotions out. It’s the only way you will get to a point in finding Joy when you see his pictures. Truth is, you just haven’t really healed from the loss..

  • i + i
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Nothing at all wrong with you. Some 

    "wounds" are just deeper than others. 

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